Dating the Horde
by IHateRaisins
Summary: Casey meets fellow patient Kevin at Dr. Fletcher's clinic. She allows herself to be vulnerable, to let a man into her life romantically for the first time, to risk a chance at love despite the pain of her past. Only there's something Kevin failed to mention, something very important involving sharing a body with 24 alters. Casey/Kevin/alters. Pre-during Split.
1. Chapter 1

**I just got back from watching Glass and was a little sad yet understand the way it had to end. I'm still writing my other story but wanted to write another sort of AU Casey/Kevin/Dennis of course haha.**

 _ **Dating the Horde**_

Casey was running late to her first appointment.

After constant pestering from her foster mother, she'd finally agreed to see a psychiatrist to work out some of her mental issues stemming from her childhood. At first, the first psychiatrist she'd seen, a male in his mid-sixties, really blew. He didn't seem to understand her and speaking to him about such personal things only felt uncomfortable and agonizing.

Her foster mother eventually suggested she may have better luck trying to confide in a female psychiatrist instead. That's where Dr. Fletcher came in. Her foster mother had looked her up after a close friend of hers had recommended Casey go book an appointment in to see her for a visit.

Dr. Fletcher came highly recommended as one of the best psychiatrists out there that dealt with mental health issues, as well as traumatic childhood abuse and psychological disorders.

After sleeping in and realizing she was running late, Casey had immediately thrown on the first pair of jeans, ankle boots, singlet and jacket she could find, hoping to look remotely decent. Her foster mother, seeing how flustered she seemed, offered to give Casey a lift rather than her having to catch a bus. She agreed, despite not being enthusiastic at the idea of having to attend therapy sessions. If anything, the fifteen minute drive to the building where Dr. Fletcher did her sessions seemed to ease Casey's nerves and reluctance a little.

"I think this will be really good for you," her foster mother spoke hesitantly during the drive while Casey sat in the passenger's seat opposite her, fiddling with her bag nervously. "It will be good for you to be able to speak to someone and let it all out."

"Hmm," Casey absently murmured, peering out the window. She couldn't say she shared her foster mother's same attitude.

As her foster mother pulled into the gutter outside the tan brick building where Dr. Fletcher's house- and office was located to see her private patients- Casey sighed while staring up at the large building. She had a feeling this was going to blow as well, but she knew her foster mother really wanted her to try her very hardest to recover over the ordeal she had been through as a child.

She flit her dark eyes over to her foster mother, giving her a faint smile while reaching down to open the door. "See you later. Thanks for the lift."

"Anytime, Casey," she called out as Casey got out while tossing the strap of her bag over her shoulder. "Remember, this will be really good for you." She was practically yelling it out of the rolled-down window eagerly. "Try to give it a chance."

"Sure." Casey waved once, turning her back on her foster mother's car, glancing up at the set of concrete steps that led up to the door of the large tan brick building.

Her stomach was in knots already. She hadn't slept very well last night, having been anxiously rehearsing what she would say to the doctor mentally inside her head. Talking about her past... her problems, it wasn't something she liked to do, with preferring to keep things to herself. But perhaps her foster mom was right; It was time for a chance, and she couldn't really let go if she kept everything bottled up inside the way she always had.

As she got inside the door, there was the option of taking either the elevator or a winding staircase that led up to the second floor where Dr. Fletcher's office was. Casey chose to take the stairs.

Gripping the polished railing, she began climbing up the stairs, keeping her eyes down towards the ground, her long hair swinging around her face. She was so busy and focused on staring at her shoes as she stepped up each step that, as she reached the very last set, she didn't realize that someone else was intending to come down in the opposite direction before it was too late.

Casey gasped as she collided straight into a man, a man whose fingerless-glove clad hands abruptly flew up to her shoulders to help her maintain her balance in case she fell. She cut a quick glance up at his face- he was smiling a real smile at her for some reason, a wide, welcoming smile, almost too big for his face- then she hastily glanced back down at her feet with a shy smile, shaking her head in forgiveness at what had just happened.

"Yikes, I'm, uh, I'm sorry," the man laughed awkwardly as he took his hands away from her shoulders, the chuckle sounding oddly nice to Casey's ears. "I was in too much of a rush. I always am. I'm terrible like that."

"Not your problem." Casey forced out a short laugh, peering up at the man again quickly. "I was, um, in a rush myself."

She let herself really take him in before glancing away again. He made her feel so inadequate; the way he was smiling, so widely, so warmly. His eyes were the most striking blue Casey thought she had seen in a man before. He appeared older than her, maybe even a decade older, to be precise; wearing a grey beanie, hooded jacket, and overcoat thrown over the top of it, with dark jeans and combat boots.

"You here to see the great Dr. Fletcher as well?" he asked conversationally, his voice deep, smoky.

Casey somehow wished she had the superpower to vanish or at the very least evaporate into the floor. It wasn't every day a guy went out of his way to strike up conversation with her- and she already felt inadequate enough as it is, in all her casual baggy clothes, her jeans. Not to mention what was underneath those aforementioned clothes she was wearing.

"Oh, so you're a patient of Dr. Fletcher's as well?" It surprised her. Casey didn't think he looked like the type. Not that mental illness or trauma had a type, she knew.

"I am. Been a patient of Doctor Fletcher's for over three years now." He was so open with her, so straightforward. He didn't sound ashamed to admit that he was seeing a psychiatrist at all. Casey stole a fleeting glance up at the man again as she nodded, noticing his eyes were still on her, that wide smile still on his face. Why was he smiling at her like that? It wasn't everyday someone acted so open and friendly towards her. "She's, uh, great actually," he added, raising a hand to scratch at his cheek with his fingers. "One of the best."

"That's good to hear then," Casey muttered quietly. "Today's meant to be my first time seeing her."

"Well, she does great for us anyway. She really helps."

Us? Casey arched her eyebrows at the 'us' in his comment. A moment later, she thought she saw a fleeting uncomfortable look come across his face as he slowly caught onto what he was saying too.

"God, did I just say us?" he spoke out loud, shaking his head. "I meant me. She really helps me out, Dr. Fletcher does." A brief awkward silence ensued where Casey didn't know what more to say, but when she glanced up at the man again, for some strange reason, he was still staring down at her. As if suddenly remembering something, he slapped himself playfully on the side of his beanie and shook his head again. "Jesus, sorry, I, uh, I should probably introduce myself." He held out one of his grey-gloved hands to her. "The names Kevin."

"Um, hi Kevin," Casey murmured shyly, reaching out to shake his hand with her own a little tentatively. She noticed his fingers that weren't covered with the fingerless gloves were surprisingly warm and calloused. "I'm Casey."

"Good to meet you, Casey."

Casey thought he was about to say something else, his mouth opened, but then one of the doors opened on the floor and a woman with short grey hair, wearing glasses, was standing there, looking between the pair of them with a friendly smile. Casey noticed however that the woman's smile waned a little as she noticed who Casey was speaking to, this man that had introduced himself to her as Kevin.

"Good morning, you must be Casey Cooke?" The woman held out her own hand and Casey stepped closer towards her, shaking her hand gently. "I'm Dr. Fletcher, how very good to meet you. You must be my new patient?"

"Um, yes, I am."

"Then, please, come in and make yourself comfortable." Dr. Fletcher stood back while holding the door open to Casey, her eyes flitting past her to the man Casey had met quickly. Casey thought she saw a hint of warning in the woman's eyes as she smiled at Kevin. "Still here, Kevin?"

"Uh, yeah, I was just, uh, leaving now. Dr. Fletcher." Casey turned back to look at Kevin with a smile as he gave her another too big smile, his fingers fiddling with his beanie. "Oh and, uh, before I go..." He seemed to hesitate, his bright blue eyes roaming down Casey's clothes she was wearing appreciatively, "Now I swear this ain't a line or anything like that, but... I love what you're doing with all those layers." Casey heard Dr. Fletcher laugh as Kevin gave her an innocent look while raising both hands in the air, as if pleading his innocence, "What, now? I'm just saying the truth?"

Casey couldn't help the smile that came across her face as she waved at Kevin shyly before entering into Dr. Fletcher's own personal office, looking around, her cheeks burning as she thought over what he had just said. It had been a very, very long time since she'd met someone who seemed so charming and kind before. This Kevin guy, he was really nice.

"What?" She heard Kevin mutter, as if playfully outraged, outside Dr. Fletcher's office.

"Don't think I don't see what you're doing, Kevin," Dr. Fletcher said, but her voice was playfully encouraging.

"Oh, me? What am I doing?"

More gentle laughter came from Dr. Fletcher. "Never you mind. I'll see you all next week, at our next appointment."

"Of course, Dr. Fletcher. Keep doing the good fight."

Casey was walking around slowly, inspecting the large office that also looked like Dr. Fletcher's living quarter's when the woman shut the door gently, still smiling.

"That young man you just met was Kevin," she explained, a glint in her eyes that seemed fond as she wrapped her cardigan tighter over herself, walking towards a small armchair. She sat, eyes scrutinizing Casey kindly as Casey smiled back at her nervously. "He's been one of my most promising long-term clients, Kevin and the others have. But," Dr. Fletcher straightened in her chair, expression turning focused and intent on Casey, "enough about that. Tell me about you, Casey. What brings you here to me today?"

Forty-five difficult minutes later and their session was done for the day. It had been difficult, expressing to Dr. Fletcher what was going on in Casey's mind and explaining to her her extensive background, and dealings with self-harm. But once Dr. Fletcher had called their session to an end for the day, Casey actually realized she felt the experience had been rather cathartic. Dr. Fletcher had been a very good listener, encouraging Casey when she stumbled along- even reaching over to pat her on the hand gently when she observed Casey was having some difficulty articulating herself.

Perhaps her foster mother had been right? Perhaps Dr. Fletcher was exactly what she needed?

As Dr. Fletcher showed Casey towards the door, she handed her a card with their next appointment date on it. "Thank you so much for meeting me today, Casey, and I look forward to seeing you at our next appointment next Wednesday." The warmth in the woman's grey eyes for Casey, how accepting and non-judgmental she was, it was a sheer relief. "And please, if anything comes up at all or if you should feel the need to see me earlier than our scheduled time, my e-mail is just right there on the card."

...

He jumped up the winding staircase, taking it two steps at a time, halting to look inside the waiting area. He hissed through his teeth in disappointment when he noticed the girl that he'd met last week, Casey, wasn't waiting in the room.

It was a curious thing, but he hadn't seemed able to get his mind off of her. There was something about her, something different about her from all the rest that he wanted to get to know lots more about. He'd impulsively made another early session with Dr. Fletcher in the naive hope that he may be lucky enough to run into the girl again, only she was nowhere to be seen.

"Hello Kevin." He almost jumped out of skin as he heard her voice coming from the doorway of her office while he stared around the waiting room miserably. Not wanting the good doctor to see something was up, he forced his best enigmatic smile on her as he turned around to face her, one hand going up to tug his beanie more securely over his ears.

"Hey, Doctor Fletcher," he greeted warmly. "How are you doing?"

"I'm doing well, myself, thank you, but what's going on with you?" He heard the note of concern in her voice as he pushed past her into her office, keeping his back from her. His cheeks felt too warm, his heart too jittery. "Judging by the urgency of your e-mail, I assumed something was going on?"

"It's nothing, really." He waved off her concern with a vague shrug.

"You do realize that you asked to schedule in an extra appointment two days earlier than your usual? I got the impression that perhaps something was on your mind, given the urgency of your request to see me?"

"Really, it's nothing all that serious. Just the usual." He let out a puff of air through his lips, shrugging again. "I guess I'm just... feeling a little overwhelmed with things, you know."

"Overwhelmed?" He watched as Dr. Fletcher removed her reading glasses slowly and folded them, placing them down on her desk. She sat up in her chair, her eyes burning into his. "Overwhelmed in what sense exactly?"

"Oh, you know..." He shrugged again, turning away. Speaking to Dr. Fletcher, usually he found easy and trouble-less. But how to talk about this exactly? What he was going through now? Deliberately, he kept his back facing her as he paced slowly around her office, eyeing her things. "Some stuff has come up, a little overwhelming stuff. I've been finding it difficult to sleep."

"You've had issues sleeping?" He shot Dr. Fletcher a quick nod before averting his eyes, seeing the concern building in her gaze for him. She was rubbing around her chin with her index finger thoughtfully. "I see. And this is a recent development, I take it? This trouble sleeping- you haven't addressed this with me before?"

"Yeah, it's new, Doctor Fletcher." It had started ever since he'd arrived back home after having met her. The girl. Casey. At first, he assumed he was just too busy overthinking things, but then... he'd started thinking about her, about what they'd spoken to each other that day. Mentally rehearsing it. Reenacting it. "You know how it is, sleep's usually easy. But then it's all changed." He eyed the house plants she had in the corner of the room, fiddling with a slick green leaf.

"I see. And so what has changed, exactly? What do you feel is causing this... sleeplessness?"

He knew the answer to that without hesitation. Her. But what would Dr. Fletcher say if he told her? What would she do?

He decided he couldn't resist asking about her. He tried his hardest to sound casual, as he began apprehensively, "Uh, you know that girl, from last time?"

"That girl?"

"Yeah, you know... that, uh, girl? Your new patient?" He whirled around to look at her anxiously to see if she was catching his drift, but Dr. Fletcher only arched her brows at him in question.

"Kevin, as you know, I have many new clients... and on a regular basis. Which one was it in particular?"

He sighed loudly as it dawned onto him that he just couldn't do it. He couldn't. He couldn't let her know.

"Actually, uh, you know what?" He glanced back at her behind his shoulder with a forced smile, shoving both hands into his trouser pockets to stop them fiddling restlessly, "I think this was a mistake, this whole early appointment thing. Because, as you can see, I'm actually feeling great."

Dr. Fletcher's brows were still crinkled as she stared at him, blinking slowly.

"And what about the blackouts, Kevin? The ones you've spoken about over the past five years? Has any happened recently for you that you haven't told me?"

"Uh, no." He made a face as he shrugged again. "No, I'm good."

"Are you sure?" Somehow, her tone made it seem as if she wasn't believing him. "Because I know how overwhelmed you can get when these... occur?" As if trying another tactic, Dr. Fletcher pressed on gently, "And what about the sense of losing time? Have you felt any sensations of losing time or days recently, Kevin?"

Doing what he did best, he deflected, distracting her. "Are you married?"

Dr. Fletcher laughed a little in surprise. "You already know the answer to that, Kevin. I'm not married and I'm single."

"But for how long?"

"How long what?"

"How long have you been single for?"

"For... my entire life." Dr. Fletcher shrugged, perplexed by his asking. "Why are you bringing this up, Kevin? Have you... met someone?"

The way she asked it, with an excited tinkle in her eyes, it made him feel red. He tried not to grin. Failed. "Well, you could, uh, say that, sure."

"Truly? You've met someone?" She cupped her hands together, the happiness for him feeling so sincere it flattered him. "Oh, Kevin, this is a wonderful development. Where and when did this happen?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," he chuckled nervously, overwhelmed by her assumptions. "Let's calm down here, Doctor Fletcher." But her excitement, it was catching. He loved exciting her, catching her attention. "There's just... someone that I may have taken a liking to, is all." He shrugged, forcing himself to sound purposefully blase. Her interest began to make him feel uncomfortable, so he moved around again, pacing around, "It isn't exactly like it's definite or nothing but... there's definite interest there. On my side of it anyhow, but... whether she's interested or not, that's a complete mystery at this point."

"So you've found yourself interested in someone, Kevin? Romantically?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Perhaps you should take a chance and ask her out for coffee, Kevin?"

All the shutters fell down at her suggestion. All playfulness, all keeping secrets was over. This was why he had scheduled an appointment early. He was feeling overwhelmed, but... with feelings. Feelings for a girl, feelings he hadn't had or acted on before. And frankly, he was tired of being lonely. He felt ready to take a risk.

"You think so?" He turned to look at her, his voice unable to conceal his worry. "I mean, after all we've discussed... the blackouts, the... loss of time that I've been experiencing, and all my concerns? You think I should still try pursue something even though I'm like this?" He wanted guidance from Dr. Fletcher the most. She knew him the best, he trusted her.

"Oh, Kevin." There was sympathy in her voice as she smiled at him, her eyes alight and earnest. "If anyone deserves happiness and a chance at love, I know it's you. You deserve it, so... yes. I really do think you should go for it."

After their encouraging talk, he felt a million times better. He thanked Doctor Fletcher as she showed him out with a flamboyant kiss on the cheek, which she reeled back from in surprise, hand held to the place where his lips had been, startled by this new change and determination in Kevin.

But what he failed to disclose to her, was just who the girl was that had his eye in particular.

...

Casey waved as her foster mother drove off from the sidewalk in the car.

Today was her second appointment with Doctor Fletcher, and she was feeling less nervous than she had been the first time around. It had really helped, speaking of her deepest fears and concerns with the psychiatrist last week. She had also given Casey a few examples of some coping mechanisms she could use if the urges arose during stressful times to mutilate herself again.

All in all, Casey was feeling positive. Probably more positive than she had ever felt in her entire life.

She pushed the strap of her bag over her shoulder, stepping up off the sidewalk towards the entrance of the large tan brick building. She lifted her leg, about to step up the stairs, when above her eye vision she caught the door open as someone pushed their way outside. The shadow of a tall figure stopped immediately once they saw her, shuffling their feet nervously.

She lifted her eyes and there he was, smiling down at her, blue eyes a little wary as if anticipating what her reaction would be to running into him again at Doctor Fletcher's office. Kevin.

"We gotta stop meeting like this," he murmured, his voice half-serious with mirth. "Seriously."

She laughed a little shyly, dropping her gaze to the ground. "Hi. Kevin, right?" She peered up at him to see his face had fallen a little, like an entire weight had been lifted off his shoulders, all tension drifting away, all because she'd correctly remembered his name from the last time they had met. Casey found it quite cute, surprisingly.

"Yeah, that's right. Casey?"

"Mmm." He moved back two steps, holding the door open to her with his hand so that she could enter the building. Casey smiled gratefully without meeting his gaze, feeling her cheeks burning.

"You having another appointment with Doctor Fletcher?" he murmured as she squeezed past him to get through the door.

Her bag and the side of her body brushed against his arm and shirt a little, and stupidly, Casey could feel herself flushing over such insignificant, accidental body contact. She often avoided touching people- especially members of the opposite sex- like the plague, only... weirdly, it was different with Kevin and she didn't even know him.

"Yeah, I am. You were right. She really helped me last time so I think it's probably going to be an on-going thing for me." The conversation seemed over to her. Or maybe she hoped it was because she felt awkward in front of him and was never really good with being social. "So, I guess I'll, um..." she faltered uncertainly, turning back to glance at him nervously.

He was still watching her, arm still holding the door open even although she'd already walked through it. It seemed to her as if he was working himself up to saying something. He shoved his free hand in his trouser pocket as his gaze fell to the floor, and suddenly, he looked strangely vulnerable and nervous. His jaw tightened, and his mouth and forehead tensed.

"Actually, uh, I was gonna ask if maybe you wanted to, uh..." Kevin paused for a moment, clearing his throat hoarsely as he lifted his eyes to meet hers again, something distinctively hopeful yet apprehensive in them, "You know, go for a coffee with me sometime?" He finally let the last offer out in a quiet, low rumble.

Casey felt her heart almost burst with a curious mixture of both dread and excitement. No one had ever asked her out for coffee before, let alone want to hang out with her in general.

Honestly, after everything that had happened, she'd sort of given up any hopes on having a normal life, being involved with someone, having a boyfriend, anything that normal girls her age did.

She had too much emotional baggage, too many insecurities. She needed to get her head and mind straight first- and that would take a lot, a humongous amount of sessions with Dr. Fletcher to ever start feeling right again, to trust in feeling and allowing herself to be vulnerable with someone, to feel safe and comfortable with-

"Hey, it's cool," Kevin suddenly muttered, disrupting her from her indecision. She glanced up, realizing he'd gone a little red in the face. "I get it, no worries. You, uh, you don't have to say a thing." Casey realized he thought she was rejecting her, that she was saying no all because she was uncertain.

Her foster mother had been encouraging Casey to try get out a lot more lately. To try move on, even although it was easier said than done. But could she?

"You know what?" His eyes shone with disappointment as he glanced away from her, down at the floor. "I'm just, uh, gonna go and hide now..." He was embarrassed. She'd upset him.

"Kevin, wait!" she called nervously, just as he was about to shut the door on her and run down the stairs away from the building where Dr. Fletcher held their sessions.

He stopped, glancing back behind his shoulder to look at her, his eyes downcast, expression vulnerable and uncertain. He still looked a little red-faced, his lips pursed tight.

"Um, I finish in about an hour, if you don't mind waiting?"

It astonished her, the change in his features after she said that. That wide, too-big smile came across his face as he radiated glee, relief... everything. "Really? So you wanna, uh, meet for coffee afterwards?" he murmured, his expression a little uncertain, as if he didn't really want to get his hopes up too much. Then, as if realizing he was being too eager, he cleared his throat curtly and tried to look more serious, "I mean, great. I'll be waiting out here then."

...

He couldn't help losing himself in his joy, the instance the door drifted shut and Casey disappeared. Like a child, he threw his head back and grinned widely up at the sky as he jumped down the small flight of steps, his overcoat rustling in the breeze.

But then... a feeling of malaise overcame him, and he scurried close to the wall, resting both shoulders against the side of the tan brick building as wind whoosed in his ears and his vision spotted with dark splotches. Sweat gathered and prickled around his forehead. His heart thundered in his ears. A shuddering twitch vibrated through his vertebra as he clenched his teeth.

...

"You're looking a lot happier today, Casey, if you don't mind me saying?" Dr. Fletcher observed the instance Casey entered inside, a beaming smile uncontrollable on her face. She patted the couch where Casey had sat last time, and she sank into it slowly while dropping her bag off her shoulders. Dr. Fletcher sat next to her, observing her speculatively. "Has something good happened?"

...

After her last client for the day left, Dr. Fletcher sat back down into her chair, thinking contemplatively.

Something had been extraordinarily different with Casey Cooke. While she had only had one previous session with her, Dr. Fletcher felt she was good at reading people, was an excellent judge of character. Something had brightened up the girls mood, in such a short amount of time. She was determined to find what that was.

Standing from the chair and chucking her shawl over her shoulder, she walked outside of her office, heading down towards where the security room was. Jerry, one of the men employed to watch over the building and manage the security cameras was in the office. She requested him to look back over the security footage from the outside entrance, five minutes before the ending time of her session with her client.

It was there she was him. Standing against the wall, waiting impatiently. If she was not mistaken, it was her client Kevin Crumb.

Then, roughly two minutes after her session with her last client finished, Casey Cooke exited the building. What happened next was very curious, indeed. Kevin Crumb pushed off the wall, walking around to stand next to Casey while fixing up the lapels on his overcoat. And then they began walking together, in the same direction, down the street, at the same pace. It looked as if the two were talking to each other, deep in conversation.

Dr. Fletcher continued to stare at the screen recording, even after the pair of them had vanished out of sight of the camera. An unsettling feeling was awash in her stomach. While Kevin Crumb was one of her longest clients, he was also one of her deeply troubled patients, with concerning tendencies.

"Hmm, what are you up to, Kevin?" she murmured, placing her elbow on the table as she rested her chin in her hand.

Casey Cooke was in an extremely vulnerable state of mind.

Suffering early childhood sexual abuse at the tender age of five by her Uncle, who she now had a restraining order against and was living in another state.

Had struggles with self-mutilation. Self-esteem issues.

Kevin Crumb was not the sort she should be meddling around with. While undoubtedly fond of the man, he was dangerous. Him and the others that were only just waiting to surface again.

Dr. Fletcher hummed her disapproval out loud. She would have to have a word with him during their next session. A conversation the man was bound not to like.

...

"You ever been to the Zoo before?"

They were walking together, after her session with Dr. Fletcher had finished for the day.

When she had gotten out, Casey had for a moment believed he wouldn't have bothered waiting for her, that he would have gotten fed up and left. Only, much to her surprise- or perhaps relief- Kevin had been waiting dutifully for her, like he'd said he would, leaning against the brick of the building.

And for reasons unknown to her, he had greeted her with that too-big-for-his-face smile again. She was already beginning to like his smiles. Even the way he'd stare at her.

Now he was asking her about the Zoo.

"You mean Philadelphia zoo?" she asked in a small voice.

"Yeah. The one here."

"Um, no, I haven't yet. You?"

"Yeah, loads of times. Kind of have to, though. Not only do I work there, but I also practically live right under it."

"You work at the Zoo?" Casey wasn't sure why it surprised her so much. She just hadn't expected him to work at a zoo.

"Yeah. Mostly I clean the cages and stuff, but... sometimes I get to feed the animals too. The tigers are my favorite." He was so straight-forward, so open. Casey appreciated that.

"I like tigers too," she murmured softly in agreement.

"How old are you?" He asked the question without preamble, it surprised her. "What?" He raised both hands in the air, pleading his innocence, "I know it's rude, asking a lady her age but... I'm simply curious, is all."

The way he looked, so playfully defensive, it made her smile.

"I'm twenty." She glanced shyly down at her hands, shivering a little as a gust of wind picked up on the street, blowing the dark hair of her strands across her shoulders. It occurred to her that her sleeves had rode up a little, leaving her wrists a little exposed. She yanked them down self-consciously with her fingers. "So, how long have you been seeing Dr. Fletcher for?"

Casey couldn't deny she was curious. She wanted to know why he was seeing her, and what issues he was going through. She wondered if he was a little like her, in a sense.

"For a long, long time now." He never told her a specific time. When Casey glanced over at him, she saw he was staring ahead, down the slightly empty street. "She's helped us a lot over the years. You really ain't gonna find someone as great as Dr. Fletcher. I mean, she really cares, you know?"

Casey could see he truly respected her, in the way he spoke so highly of her. She decided Dr. Fletcher was pretty great herself.

"It helps to have someone who truly cares..." he continued, his voice low, thoughtful. "Most don't, you know?"

"Hmm." A gust of wind tore through her layers of clothes again, and Casey couldn't help shuddering. She saw out of the corner of her eye Kevin stop walking and then, before she knew it, he was tearing off his overcoat.

"Here, think you need this."

Casey felt her heart stutter as Kevin stood behind her, helping her arms into the sleeves of his overcoat. She couldn't remember a time when a man had been so thoughtful to her, so kind.

"Damn, girl," he murmured with a teasing edge, and when she turned to look at him hastily, she watched anxiously as he lifted a hand over to rub his thumb and forefinger over the numerous layers of shirts she was wearing. "You wear a lot of layers?"

Her stomach twisted and knotted at the thought having to tell him why. What if it turned him off? Or freaked him out or something?

"Thank you," she simply muttered, flipping her hair out from the neck of the overcoat. It felt warm. And, weirdly enough, wearing something that belonged to him, even although she didn't even truly know him aside from him having the same psychiatrist as her... it felt good.

She met his eyes briefly, and his head was cocking to the side, his deep blue eyes eyeing her. It seemed like he liked it, the way she looked, wearing his overcoat, even if the sleeves were far too long and the bottom of it nearly scraped the ground as he was taller than her... She felt shy looking at him, and she had to look away hastily.

He led her to a little coffee shop and they went inside. He didn't ask for his overcoat back, she noticed, even in the warmth of the shop. She sat at a table near the window while Kevin went to ask for their orders. She couldn't help observing him as he ordered. Then she noticed he was still wearing his beanie. She wondered what his hair looked like underneath it.

As Kevin came back to the table, he sat, his eyes meeting hers. He smiled, that big smile at her. Casey couldn't help grinning back shyly. Then an awkward silence crept between them as she watched him glance down at the table, using his fingers to trace a pattern on the surface.

"So... um, why are you seeing Dr. Fletcher?" Casey asked. She still didn't know.

"Why?" She saw his throat twitch as he swallowed, his eyes on nothing else but the table as he continued tracing it. "I'm seeing Dr. Fletcher 'cause... I got issues." He lifted his gaze to meet hers, his mouth tightening.

"Well, that makes two of us," Casey murmured, trying to make it a joke. She was relieved when he took it as such, smiling halfheartedly.

"Yeah, but... I got twenty three of 'em." He was evasive, deliberately not giving much away. But Casey figured she could understand that. She didn't very much want to admit to her problems either.

He glanced down at the table again, and Casey watched as he started sorting out the salt-and-pepper shakers, the sachets of sugar, lining them all up into a neat, orderly line. Then he flicked the pepper shaker with his thumb, made it crooked from the line, and then started all over again, lining everything up. Casey wondered if maybe he was bored and if that was why he was deliberately distracting himself.

Their coffees arrived. Casey reached over, grabbing her cup. Then she thought she heard Kevin heave a sigh loudly through his mouth. She glanced over, noticing his eyes were clenched deeply closed, his head tilted a little. The corners of his mouth was tight, almost as if he was grimacing, as if he was in sudden pain.

"Um, Kevin?" she whispered, when he kept his eyes tightly closed. "Kevin, are-are you okay?"

Without thought, she stood, leaning over the table towards him, concerned. What was happening? One second he was fine, and now he was...?

"Kevin, what's wrong? Is there something I can-"

"...Not now," she heard him mutter over her harshly, his voice low, irritated. A sharp hiss of breath tore through his teeth as his lips opened, his teeth clenched.

Casey sunk back down into her chair, staring. Not now? Was he telling her 'not now'? As in don't ask him what's wrong right now or-

Clearly he wasn't going to answer her, so she sat in silence, watching his face, a little tense. She took a small sip of her coffee, letting it run down her throat as she worried. She felt a small bit of froth from her coffee spill somewhere on her, but she didn't exactly care right now. Not when the man in front of her was clearly-

"K-Kevin?"

His eyes opened, his lips closing. Casey watched as Kevin breathed in deeply and out for a few second through his nose. And then his blue eyes cut to hers.

Cold. His eyes looked oddly different, if possible. The expression in them. They didn't seem like the Kevin's that she had met... even although he clearly was Kevin, another one of Dr. Fletcher's patients, like her.

He stared at her, his face blank, his big smile not coming across his face. Why did he feel suddenly so closed off to her? So cold even?

His back seemed to straighten up in the chair, his shoulders filling out as he blinked back at her, his eyes roaming down her face, the overcoat he'd let her borrow as she was cold outside.

"Kevin?" she murmured cautiously, eyeing him nervously.

Kevin's eyes drifted to his overcoat that she was wearing again, at some space below her chest. Then-

"-You got coffee froth on the overcoat, you realize that?" He arched his eyebrows at her, his voice deeper, somehow stiffer than it had been earlier.

Casey dipped her chin, glancing down at the spot he was staring at on his overcoat in question. And he was right. She knew she'd felt a bit of coffee spill and drop somewhere, but why did it have to land on his coat that he so kindly let her borrow?

"Oh, god," she whispered apologetically, reaching for a napkin. "Kevin, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"-Its ruined!"

Casey's face felt as though it had been drained of blood as she stopped trying to wipe the stain away frantically, her insides cut by how low but sharp and angry Kevin's voice had gone. All due to some silly little stain that she hadn't meant to do in the first place?

His breathing was getting shallower by the second. He squinted his eyes down at the stain again, a shiver passing through him, one that seemed filled with rage. Then his eyes fell down to the table, and he analysed every surface of it carefully, his eyebrows arching in disgust.

"Look at it, all of it," he muttered, his voice getting louder. "Don't people clean the goddamn tables in here?"

A few staff members in shop had glanced over at the loud, panicked outburst of Kevin's voice. Casey, meanwhile, could only stare in disbelief. Who was this person that had suddenly appeared? Surely not Kevin, was it?

Kevin's head whipped back towards the group of staff members, his voice shaky. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself, all of you," he growled in a low, piercing voice.

Casey had heard enough.

Abruptly, she stood from the table, embarrassed. He was making a big scene and everyone was watching them. What was wrong with him?

"I'm leaving," Casey said with finality, although her voice was a little unsteady.

Kevin's eyes shot back to her, a little wide with what appeared outrage while he still trembled over the state of the table. But why did he look so surprised and outraged?

Her hands were shaky as she fumbled to take off his overcoat quickly, and she tossed it on her seat and grabbed her bag before she could change her mind. She swiftly moved outside of the cafe, ignoring what she thought was Kevin calling out for her to come back urgently.

She shook her head furiously, her mind racing as she wrapped her arms tight over her stomach, shivering in the wind. Whatever had just happened, it was enough for her, sadly. She'd dealt with her Uncle's rage, his emotional and physical abuse for most of her young life. She didn't need another person yelling at her all simply because she accidentally spilled coffee froth on their coat.

She just couldn't seem to get over the change in Kevin though. One minute, he was interesting and warm. Then just as suddenly, he felt closed-off and cold and angry about the state of the cafe's messiness. Something just didn't add up.

"Hey!" She heard someone yell at the top of their lungs- probably Kevin. She turned her head back to see that yes, it was Kevin. He was running down the street after her. Great. She picked up her pace. "Casey, wait! Let me explain something here!"

He seemed to catch up with her easily, and he grabbed her by the shoulder gently, wheeling her around to face him. He was panting heavily, exhausted from his run, blue eyes desperate as they scanned her face.

"Please, you just gotta let me explain..." His eyes were pleading desperately with her as he crouched down for a moment, resting his hands against his knees as he strained for breath. Once he seemed to have recovered, he stood to his full height again, that look there still, that pleading solemn desperation in his eyes. "You asked me, before, why I was seeing Dr. Fletcher?"

Casey nodded, tightening her arms around her stomach, waiting for it.

"Have you ever, uh... felt like you were there, but... you weren't? Like you... sometimes lose track of times and the... uh, the days?"

Casey couldn't say she had, but she nodded slowly anyway. He looked desperate for her to hear him out. She decided the least she could do was give him that.

"Well, that's why I'm seeing Dr. Fletcher, you see. I don't even..." He paused, breathing heavily. Then something came across his face, his eyes. His eyes dropped to her mouth briefly. "Can I, uh... can I maybe, uh... kiss you?"

Before Casey could completely answer or even grasp how to respond to that, it happened. Kevin's hands went over her face and then he was bending down towards her, kissing her. She was completely unprepared. One second, he was explaining about Dr. Fletcher... and then, his lips, they were pressed and molded against hers, chapped and warm.

And then, despite everything, Casey found herself kissing him back, because he was a little emotional right now and maybe so was she, and so confused, yet she knew she liked him even although she properly didn't know him.

She hadn't kissed a man before. Didn't even think she'd ever really want to, until then.

No sickness developed in her chest, no dread. Just the sensation of Kevin's warm lips and fingers open her cheeks, just the vibration of his throat into her mouth as he hummed and moaned throatily while kissing her.

It didn't last for very long. Kevin was the one to pull back, and still holding her face in his hands, he leaned forward, the tip of his nose brushing against hers and then he dragged it upward, past her forehead, to her hairline, sniffing and inhaling her in as if he was smelling her. Casey thought she heard an odd clattering deep noise from the back of his throat- was he growling like a tiger?- before Kevin released her face, backing away urgently as he breathed heavily.

"I'm sorry, I, uh..." There was a wide fearful look in his eyes, fright, as he stared back down at her as she breathed shakily through parted lips, "I... I shouldn't have done that. I, uh, I gotta go." Without another word, Kevin turned and dashed down the street, leaving Casey staring after him, wide-eyed, a little breathless and... consumed. Utterly consumed and amazed by how good a man's lips could feel on hers.

She brought up her fingers to touch her still-warm lips as she began walking towards where her foster family lived, her legs trembling, numb.

She had a strange feeling that her life was going to be changing.

...

sorry if OOC I feel like I suck at writing but if interested in more I would love to know :)


	2. Chapter 2

His alarm went off at six am on a Saturday morning for his early shift.

Groaning tiredly, he twisted around in bed and slammed a hand down on the clock to shut it off from it's ear-splitting screeching. Then he forced himself up, made his bed, and grabbed the plain navy blue shirt and trousers that consisted of his uniform.

Another day, another monotonous routine of getting to work.

Only this time, he found himself grinning as he slipped into his shirt and fixed up the collar around his neck.

The events of the evening before ran through his head like a flash of lightening, heating up his insides; How she shivered in the cold, how good she looked wearing the over-sized overcoat. A slight hazy mental blank though as they had went for coffee and then- feeling an intense urge to run after her... to explain somewhat, although he couldn't exactly quite tell what he'd felt the need to explain for.

Then, kissing her. The sudden impulsive compulsion to.

Her lips, soft and warm, as they moved against his. He felt the blood course through out his veins, heated and warm, at the memory.

He couldn't remember the last time a girl had actually allowed him to kiss her. Then again, he'd never really wanted to feel close to a woman before, until... her.

He'd always been alone. Keeping his distance, never allowing anyone to fully step inside, to see what was underneath his skin. Yet now, he felt ready for someone to see the true him. He felt ready to take chances. Somehow, he just had this firm belief that she'd 'get' him, that she was different from all the others.

After sitting down in the empty kitchen in silence, eating his breakfast, he checked the time on his watch and hastily got to his feet, gathering up his dirty plate and cutlery. Time to work. And then-

Barely reaching the sink, he took one glance at the messy peanut butter and jelly smeared knife and all the small bread crumbs on the plate while absently thinking about all the mess ahead of him that he had to clean up in the animal cages, and...

His hand shook, the plate clattering loudly into the sink as his fingers lost their grip. The muscles and tendons in his jaw shook and clenched.

When he finally emerged, he took a deep breath through his nose and stretched, cracking all the stiff joints in his body, elongating his muscles. He reached for his glasses out of the left breast pocket of his shirt and rubbed a small speck of dust off the lenses before sliding them on, a crease forming between his brows and forehead.

...

Casey walked slowly down the street on a warm fall day, her mind on what had happened the night before, her chest filled with butterflies. The constant thoughts of warm, chapped lips pressing against hers, of slightly rough and calloused fingertips, of piercing blue eyes... they wouldn't seem to leave her.

This was different. She'd never felt so loopy over someone she barely knew before. But the fact that Kevin was seeing the same psychiatrist as her- the fact that he obviously had just as many issues as her and was potentially as broken and damaged as she was, it made her feel reassured.

For some reason she wasn't feeling as hopeless as she normally did. For once, she felt almost as of there was an exciting reason to keep on existing. She was beginning to feel that maybe she wasn't as alone in the world anymore.

As she reached her destination, the plaque that read 'Philadelphia Zoo' came into view.

She wasn't entirely sure what she was doing, turning up at the place where he worked, but seeing as she hadn't gone to the zoo before and- unable to resist the chance of spotting him working while she was there- she decided to take her chances.

Casey pushed a stray tendril of dark hair behind her earlobe before entering, curiously inspecting her surroundings. Even during the somewhat early morning hours, it was actually fairly busy. A group of children were walking around with two women, from what she gathered was a school trip excursion.

Wire cages lined a brick wall with what appeared to be primates and other exotic creatures.

It was only when Casey spotted a pair of tigers pacing back and forth around a cage that she stopped to watch them, enthralled by their movements. The tigers were large magnificent beasts filled with orange and black stripes. Each lap they did around each other, they brushed and collided against the wire fence, fur bristling up against it.

Casey stood there, mesmerized at the fearsome beauty of the pair. It gave her an odd thrill, standing close and observing such majestic predators.

Survival. Tigers represented survival to her.

She heard a group of kids laughing and for some reason, her gaze was drawn elsewhere. A group of teenagers, both boys and girls, around what she thought was probably the ages fourteen or fifteen, were sitting on a bench talking among themselves. That's when her eyes landed on the tall figure behind them. A man in a basic navy uniform was holding a broom. When he turned, that was when she saw his face. The organ in her chest felt as though it had stopped beating momentarily.

 _Kevin._

While he had told her he had worked at the zoo, it still surprised her. He must work as a maintenance man or cleaner. He was wearing a pair of dark-rimmed glasses- the very last things she'd expected him to be wearing considering yesterday he hadn't worn them at all. He also wasn't wearing that too-big-for-his-face warm grin that he had had for her either.

Nervously, she swallowed, watching him from afar as he worked. She was uncertain whether to approach him or not, because... with every second that passed on by, it became apparent by the way he held himself and his demeanor that he wasn't in a particularly warm or friendly mood.

In fact, she caught him sending the group of young teenagers a rather menacing, glowering look while he worked on sweeping up a few rustling leaves and dirt that had blown into the zoo from the wind, the space between his eyebrows and middle of his forehead pinched together and puckered.

A moment later, something must have mysteriously drawn Kevin's attention to her, because without warning, he'd glanced straight in her direction, right at her, while his sweeping movement with the broom decreased dramatically to a halt. Her stomach muscles seemed to clench.

Maybe she'd been foolish to even imagine it, but she'd thought his reaction to seeing her appearing at the place where he worked would have been a little more... positive. Casey had imagined him breaking out into that wide smile of his as he had last night, his sea blue eyes getting lost in the stare of hers. Especially after that kiss they had shared together.

In complete contrast, the reception from his side at recognizing her standing there was a little frosty and unwelcoming.

He simply stared at her for a heartbeat, then turned around, returning to his diligent sweeping of the zoo floor again. It was as if he had no memories of their time last night whatsoever, considering how easily he'd disregarded her.

While admittedly she had only just met Kevin last night and barely knew much about him at all, for some reason she never thought he'd ever be so rude and hostile as to ignore her. Was he angry at her or something? Had he wanted to pretend meeting her had never happened in the first place?

Before she lost her nerves, Casey inched closer towards where he was sweeping; another shimmer of giggling escaping the teenagers that sat gossiping on the bench. Even just observing the straightness of his back and spine, the way he held himself as he swept, Casey couldn't help observing a noticeable difference there.

"Kevin?" she finally called sheepishly, close enough that all she would have to have done was simply reach up with her hand and she would have been touching him square on the back of his navy shirt. She saw the material was straining against his broad set of shoulders with every movement he made to sweep.

He did not stop moving around and sweeping, even as she thought she saw him tense and stiffen slightly at the sound of her voice.

"Listen, I don't want no trouble here," he retorted without even bothering to glance behind his shoulder at her. "I'm just tryin' to go about my day."

"No, Kevin, it... it's me, Casey, from, um... last night? Yesterday?" She frowned when she thought she heard him sigh loudly through his mouth as he used his free hand to reach up, scratching around the back of his scalp and beneath his neck. "You told me you worked here, so I guess I just..." She faltered insecurely, her heart sinking," I... thought I'd drop in and check it out."

She heard him clear his throat curtly, and then Kevin turned around to peer down at her through the shining disks of his glasses. Again, there was no shining sense of recognition in his gaze or expression for her. It was unnerving. Had he really forgotten her that easily?

Casey had wondered what he'd look like without that beanie on. Now she knew. For some reason she'd pictured he'd had a lot more hair under there that what there was. His hair was short, cut close to his scalp.

She caught his eyes zoom around their surroundings, as though he were suddenly paranoid that someone would catch them associating with each other. Then, as he met her gaze again, he said in a voice unlike she remembered he had spoken in last night, "What are you doin' here?"

His voice definitely sounded different, Casey wasn't being paranoid. It was lower, with a slight accent that made him sound a bit more rough around the edges.

She definitely was not expecting him to react this way.

She stepped back a little as he raised his eyebrows at her, his expression still so stern, so severe. "I... I just told you," she murmured, unsettled. "I...I thought I'd try to surprise you and show up here to-"

"-You shouldn't be here. Kev-" He stopped suddenly, shaking his head, his eyes flitting closed. Like he was embarrassed by what he had just been about to say. Then he licked his lips, slowly reopened his eyes, and peered down at Casey again. "I know what you're tryin' to do. You mightn't think I do, but I know." Fingers still gripping tightly the handle of the broom, he raised his other hand, tapping his index finger to his left temple, "I'm smarter than you think, believe it or not."

It sounded as though he was warning her cryptically, and it gave Casey pause. What was she trying to do, other than build a friendship with a man she thought was supposedly friendly and kind?

"I know this is just a game to you, this is you ridiculing us," he went on, his teeth clenching as he spoke lowly through them, eyes squinted harshly down at her, "Well, I'm used to being the protector in these types of situations and I'm not gonna let you cause any hurt."

He thought she was ridiculing him and that she was deliberately going to hurt him? What the hell had caused him to assume that, Casey wondered furiously, blood draining from her face at his remark. When had she given him the impression yesterday that she wasn't being sincere when he'd asked her out for coffee? Where did his assumption even come from in the first place?

"You're not welcome, you understand?" he continued, and even though he didn't raise his voice, it still cut as deeply as if he had. "You're wasting your time, when there are far greater things out there than you could ever have dreamed of existing. It's far better than you and any friendship or whatever it is that you are offering. And it's coming soon, and you're not needed."

She could see- by his hollow, cold expression- that he was set in his ways, that he would believe no different from her. Casey had decided long ago that she wouldn't try to prove her worth to anyone, that if someone actually wanted to know her, then they'd make the first move and effort. If Kevin had now decided he didn't want to know her out of some misguided assumption that she was 'playing him' or 'ridiculing him' even, then fine. It hurt, and it cut through her chest like a knife, but why try prove herself to him when he clearly believed different apparently?

Last night's incident at the coffee shop flew back to her, before he'd kissed her. How he'd acted cold and lashed out over the fact that she'd accidentally split coffee froth over his overcoat that he let her wear to keep warm. He was practically being that same person from last night- the polar opposite from the Kevin she had met in Dr. Fletcher's clinic, who had been so warm and open.

Why should she waste her time on someone who apparently had mood swings every so often, being rude to her? Maybe she should have stood her ground and drawn the line last night.

Casey felt her eyes well with tears as the rejection stung brutally. She'd experienced rejection pretty much all her life; in high school, by her peers. Why would now be any different? Why had she ever gotten it into her brain that Kevin might have been different?

"You know what, Kevin," she lashed out, that same defensive mechanism coming into place that was always there, even in high school, to cope with the rejection and how much of an outsider she felt compared to everyone else, "You can go blow yourself for all I care."

Without another word and before she could let her vulnerability and hurt be seen, Casey turned, darting out of the perimeters of the zoo hastily.

It was only when she'd reached the corner of the street that she let the tears spill down her cheeks, once she was alone, away from his eyes seeing how much his rejection had slain her. She sobbed as she reached the sidewalk, ignoring the strangers on the street that stared at her curiously due to her outburst.

Red hot, impulsive vicious urges flooded through her as her go-to-response made its way up to the surface while she yanked down her sleeves past her hands, using them to wipe away at her wet cheeks furiously. She'd spent so long responding to every rejection, every new hurt and pang of loneliness with pain, with self-mutilation, that she almost felt herself succumbing to it again.

It was only Dr. Fletcher's technique of mindfulness that grounded her and centered her back down to earth as she gritted her teeth, breathing deeply. Focus on five things surrounding you, had been the strategy Dr. Fletcher had taught her during their first session for whenever her cutting urges struck. Five things. Pedestrians. Lights. Cars. The smell of gas from running cars, chatter from people talking in the street-

With one last shaky inhale, that malevolent urge lessened a little, though the need to harm herself was still there below the surface.

What had she been thinking anyway, in letting herself get her own hopes up? Just because someone was in therapy and appeared potentially just as troubled psychologically as she was, it didn't mean anything.

...

Casey sat in the waiting area for her appointment with Dr. Fletcher half an hour early, her foster mom having dropped her off on the way of having to be somewhere else. The waiting area had a few modern couches and some mindless magazines spread out on a coffee table to read while waiting. She'd just plucked one up and rested it on her knees in order to distract herself from her restless thoughts when she heard the door to Dr. Fletcher's room open and voices.

"OK, I'll see you next week at our next appointment," she heard the doctor say gently to whoever her patient was warmly, "But if it happens and it gets too overwhelming again, do e-mail me to schedule an earlier appointment as soon as possible, Kevin."

Kevin. The name alone made her wish she could sink and vanish through the floor as it brought out a painful clench in her heart.

"Will do, Dr. Fletcher." She heard his rather despondent and lethargic voice, and it made her heart ache even more and burst with a fresh gaping hole of rejection. "Thanks a whole lot, I appreciate it."

"Anytime, Kevin. Always." The door shut gently and then she heard footsteps. She knew exactly who those footsteps belonged to.

Intent on ignoring him, Casey quickly turned her attention to the writing on the page of the magazine as she caught his shadow in the corner of her eye. Truthfully, she wasn't really invested in what was written in the magazine. She just never wanted to speak to him ever again and was determined on doing so after how rudely he'd treated her when she had shown up at the zoo.

"Long time, no see," she heard him murmur as his footsteps grew even closer in the waiting room, his voice oddly pleased, as if he was happy and relieved to see her. She had no doubts it was her he was speaking to when he sank down into the chair next to her. She could practically feel his blue-eyed gaze burning holes into her skull. "Where've you been hidin'? I was wondering where you had gotten to and whether or not I'd be seeing you again."

Casey had tried to stubbornly keep her eyes on the magazine, to not respond to him in anyway whatsoever. Give him the silent treatment until he got the picture. Yet she failed, instance he spoke. Kevin had the nerve to sound so surprised to see her, and yet so confused at the same time.

Was he joking after how he'd reacted to her turning up at his workplace? Was this all a huge joke to him?

"Please just... just don't, Kevin," she managed in a flat voice, allowing herself one small glance up at his face quickly.

He wasn't wearing his beanie this time, she observed, but a grey T-shirt and jeans. She also took in, with some curiosity, that he was staring at her with wide, confused eyes, his mouth slightly agape. He was a good actor, she had to give him that. He genuinely looked confused by the anger in her voice.

"What- what's going on with you?" he muttered, and she caught the thick coating of shaky worry in his tone.

"Please, you already know."

"No. Did I, uh, do somethin' to hurt you or offend?" He gripped both arms of the chair he was sitting on with his hands and Casey actually saw that they were trembling.

She almost scoffed and rolled her eyes bitterly at his comment as she slammed the magazine shut, tossing it briskly on the table carelessly. Her eyes burned and stung with fresh tears. "Spare me the act, Kevin. If you had decided you didn't want to actually get to know me in the first place, then you should have just been honest straight up with me." Her voice went high and uneven with her pain. "You didn't need to pretend and ask me to go for coffee."

"What? I, uh..." She caught out of the corner of her eye Kevin release his grip on the chair, then he dropped his head in a hand. She heard his breathing begin to grow quicker, shallower. When she turned her head, she saw his hands were still shaking as he rubbed around his scalp and around his forehead with his fingers frantically. "What'd I do?"

Again, he had the nerve to sound so convincingly lost and confused. But this time, Casey caught the panicked edge to his voice, the fright.

"Did I...I hurt you?" When Kevin slowly brought his head out of his hands to look at her, she saw the anguish in his blue eyes, the raw concern in them as he peered around her face warily.

It didn't make any sense to her at all. When she held his stare, analyzing his expression, it occurred to her a second later that maybe he was actually being genuine. He truly was concerned that he had hurt her, and... if that were so, then... did he truly not remember what he'd said to her at the zoo that day?

"You really don't remember what you said to me?"

His brows furrowed as he seemed to think Casey's question over deeply for any recollection, his breathing still harsh sounding to her and unsteady. "What'd I say to you?"

"I... I went to see you at the zoo, because you... you told me you worked there." Casey felt as though she was going to break down into tears simply even speaking of it, but she tried her hardest not to.

"Yeah, I-I do work there," he confirmed unnecessarily, his tone anxious.

"But you also practically told me that I... that my wanting to be around you was me playing a game and that I was ridiculing you." She watched Kevin's face carefully for any sign of recognition or remembrance on it. Surprisingly, there was nothing of the sort. He only continued to breath in a panicked, fast way, his eyes intent on everything she was telling him. "You were pretty much telling me between the lines that I was a liar who doesn't truly want to be friends with you, that I'm nothing..."

"I-I said that?" There was an excruciating long moment of silence where Kevin simply sat there, swallowing what she'd said down as he tried to remember it.

Casey remained silent, determined not to allow herself to cry yet again over it and let her true hurt feelings show.

Kevin dropped his head in his hands again, covering his eyes. Casey could still hear him inhaling and exhaling out deeply.

"I'm sorry, but I, uh... I honestly don't remember any of that," he finally said after what seemed like an hour had gone past between them. When he dropped his hands from his face and glanced over at her, Casey noticed how ashen his face had gone. "I swear to you, Casey, I honestly don't remember sayin' anything like that to you." His face scrunched up in distress as he peered into his eyes deeply, "Hell, I... I don't even remember heading to work last week. I mean, I remember getting dressed and eating breakfast and all, but... I think that was on a Saturday morning?" He shook his head at her slowly, "What... what day is it right now?"

"A, um, Wednesday?"

"A Wednesday?" He repeated, making a face at her in disbelief. "You serious?"

She nodded once.

"For real?"

"Yes, Kevin. It's Wednesday."

He made a panicked noise as he slapped a hand to his forehead audibly, and it was then Casey started to truly feel unsettled. He wasn't lying or pretending, she realized. No one could truly be that good an actor.

"And you, uh... you came and visited me where I work?" he murmured slowly, and he sounded touched by the fact that she had. The fact that he did, the aching amount of warmth in his voice for her, like that Kevin she'd met the first time she'd ran into him in the building...

Casey felt her heart spasm as she stared back into his eyes. His eyes shone and reflected back at her with... tears? Was he truly that affected by the fact that she had bothered to come to see where he worked?

Her anger and bitterness over his rejection had softened, turned into an unnerving feeling of fear and anxiety that seemed to equal his. He couldn't be faking it, Casey thought. He genuinely couldn't seem to remember her visiting him or him even heading to work.

She suddenly recalled what he had told her after flipping out in the cafe after buying her a coffee, how he'd remarked about losing days... and times. Had he experienced this often? Was that what his life was always like?

"I remember we, you know..." Kevin stopped, and Casey only needed to look at his face and the way he rubbed his fingers over his mouth to know what he was referring to between the lines. How they'd kissed. Apparently that part wasn't missing from his mind, and she felt her cheeks go hot. "And then thinkin' about it... and even on Saturday morning while getting dressed for work, but then... that's it. I don't remember work at all, just... thinking about it and like how I'd like for it to happen again."

Casey wasn't entirely sure whether he'd meant to admit out loud that he'd wanted to kiss her again but she couldn't deny she was both relieved and happy to know that he did, especially after how he'd been so closed-off and cold to her when she'd visited him at the zoo that morning afterwards.

"I never meant to hurt you. Honestly." And she could see that he meant it.

She caught herself staring at his mouth absently with her dark eyes, wondering what he'd do if she was brave enough to lean over, right there and then, in the waiting room of Dr. Fletcher's building and kissed him, long and hard enough to ease his stress and confusion.

Only when Kevin turned his wet, frantic eyes on her again and she noticed them drift down to her lips, she'd just moved halfway in when the door to Dr. Fletcher's office opened and her voice drifted between them.

"Casey, hi. It's fantastic to see you again." Casey sprang back into her seat and she was fairly certain Kevin did the same when Dr. Fletcher spoke again, this time directing her question to the man beside her concernedly, "Kevin, are you OK? Is there something you need to come back in and discuss to put your mind at ease?"

Casey watched as Kevin frantically wiped his eyes with the palm of his hands before getting to his feet, a loud sniff escaping him. "I'm doing great, Dr. Fletcher. You know how it is, we're great." Casey could tell he was feigning it and she wondered if Dr. Fletcher could too when Casey stood slowly from the chair, stepping towards the open office door.

She saw the look of gentle warning Dr. Fletcher exchanged with Kevin before she brushed past her, moving inside for her session.

 _Thank you all so much, hope this one wasn't to OOC. Love to know your thoughts and so humbled, thank you :)_


	3. Chapter 3

"So, how are things going for you since our last meeting, Casey?" Dr. Fletcher asked once they were alone and seated comfortably in her office area on the couch.

This was one of the reasons why she was actually starting to enjoy therapy with Dr. Fletcher. All the other psychologists had seemed so impersonal and judgmental, their offices cold and clinical. Dr. Fletcher was welcoming and attentive, and actually listened to Casey, while her office felt more homely rather than in an actual uncomfortable therapy environment.

Also, Kevin's high recommendation and praise of the woman's competence in helping with psychological and mental health issues seemed worthy of listening to.

Only issue was allowing herself to open up to speak more about her feelings. Dr. Fletcher was watching her with interest in her warm gray eyes, her glasses on, fingers clasped in her lap. Her eyes dropped down to where Casey's hands were, in her lap, while she fidgeted with her fingers nervously; a habit she's had for ages since she could ever remember.

"Everything's going fine in my life right now," Casey forced herself to answer after inhaling in deeply. "Things seem like they are starting to fall into place."

Dr. Fletcher's eyebrows arched a little as she smiled encouragingly, her eyes dropping to Casey's fingers again as she twisted them and twiddled them in her lap, "Then that's a good thing, isn't it?"

"I guess so. I suppose I'm just... always waiting for something bad to happen." She shrugged, her shoulders dropping in relief when the doctor finally glanced away. Casey watched as the older woman slowly removed her glasses and rubbed around her eyelids as she listened. "It's just... like I'm always waiting."

"Ah, I see." The doctor didn't speak until she slowly pushed her glasses back on, tipping them up past the bridge of her nose with her fingers carefully. "Well, considering all that you've been through in a short matter of time, I think it would be reasonable for anyone to always be anticipating something bad lingering around the corner."

"Maybe. It's just that... I'm always afraid of getting my hopes up. I'm almost... afraid to be happy in case everything goes bad again."

"Well, how are you finding your new foster family? Are they treating you well?" It had been less than three years since Casey had finally been put up with a foster family. Her foster mother was very nice, and so was her foster father. They had a lot of other children that they had fostered as well, mainly girls, much younger than Casey's age. Casey was the oldest girl at twenty.

"They are," Casey admitted with a small smile. "They've all been... great. Only thing is, I can't fully enjoy myself or trust that I'm safe with them."

"Because you are always waiting for something bad to happen again," Dr. Fletcher finished for her correctly, explaining exactly how Casey felt. Casey's brows arched in surprise, and then, deep gratitude for the woman's skill at somehow reading her so thoroughly. Half the time it didn't matter if Casey couldn't articulate and find the words to describe how she was feeling, because Dr. Fletcher seemed to be able to find the words for her.

"Yeah, that's completely it. I'm always waiting for it."

"And so what about your uncle?" Dr. Fletcher asked next gently.

At the mere subject, Casey felt herself tensing uncontrollably. Her stomach churned, a weight bearing onto her shoulders at the mention of him. She also felt slightly nauseous as she dropped her gaze to her hands, strands of her hair falling into her line of sight and forehead. "Well, last I heard of him, he's... somewhere in another state. The restraining order still stands. He's not allowed to be within fifty meters of me."

"So you haven't seen him at all?" Casey was certain she heard relief in the woman's tone.

"No, I haven't. But honestly, if I had, I wouldn't be here." Casey swallowed nervously, tracing her thumbnail with her other finger. "I'd be going off to the opposite side of the world if I could."

"That's completely understandable. Now, how are the urges? Have you found yourself experiencing any... urges lately?"

Dr. Fletcher was straight down to business, and Casey appreciated that. Her mind drifted off to the zoo incident, with Kevin. His behavior and rejection of her- which, as he'd confirmed to her in the waiting room, apparently he had no remembrance of it ever taking place.

"I did last week, I had... an urge to cut." It didn't make her proud, having to admit it.

But Dr. Fletcher did not shy away from looking at her. If anything, the woman smiled sympathetically. "And how did you go? Did you remember some of those techniques we spoke about in our last session?"

"I did, actually. And it actually worked."

"Good!" Dr. Fletcher straightened in her chair, her eyes becoming more wider with happiness, with genuine relief at Casey's found success. "And which coping technique did you use and found to be so helpful in taming the urges?"

"The... mindfulness one." Casey swallowed thickly. "The one where you focus on the three things in your surroundings."

"So it helped?"

"It did. It took away the urges due to what I was feeling at the time." She glanced up at the Doctor nervously through her eyelashes, still tense. "It... distracted me."

"Well, tell me, what was going on during the time you felt the urge exactly?"

Casey wished she hadn't asked that question. How could she even begin to bring up Kevin- Dr. Fletcher's very own patient? Was if she repeated what she'd said to him, dob him in even? "I can't... um, really remember what it was or why I was feeling any particular way," Casey settled on hastily, her voice low. Lying was easier than having to explain it all.

"Oh." Dr. Fletcher frowned, and she seemed slightly disappointed by Casey's lack of openness, she thought. But then with confidence, she straightened in her chair, eyeing Casey again with a speculative glint in her eyes, her smile brightening again amicably. "Well, regardless, I am so pleased that you have seemed to have found a technique that has been a success for you, and so quickly too." And she genuinely looked it, for Casey too, surprisingly. "That's a huge accomplishment in such a short amount of time when we've only had, what?"- Dr. Fletcher eyed her curiously- "I believe, barely three sessions so far together?"

"Yeah, about three sessions so far."

Dr. Fletcher hummed happily under her breath. "I am so happy for you."

"Thanks," Casey muttered, eyeing her hands again. She wasn't used to someone being so pleased for her. It was a little overwhelming, she found.

"Now, there's also something else I've been, uh, meaning to address with you..." The tone caught Casey's attention and she glanced up at the doctor nervously. Apparently the doctor felt just as apprehensive as Casey felt, because she hesitated a little, pondering the right words to begin, "I couldn't help noticing you were beginning to, uh, spend time with one of my patients?"

There was something in Dr. Fletcher's expression that confused Casey; She thought she looked concerned. But concerned of what? Kevin? Why would she feel concerned?

"I went out to coffee once with your patient Kevin?" Casey murmured, nodding once. The way the Doctor was looking at her, it made her feel uncomfortable. "He's... sweet. And nice to me. Why?"

"Oh, nothing." Dr. Fletcher waved her arm as if swatting something invisible away while clearing her throat gently. "I'm just simply... curious as to what is going on between you two?" It felt like she was angling for more information, Casey thought. "I've witnessed you two speaking to each other quite a few times now?"

"Yeah, we're sort of... friends," Casey shrugged indifferently.

"Well, from what I've heard from Kevin, he seems quite taken with you." Again, the doctor looked so concerned. Her brows furrowed slightly with worry. What was it about Kevin that had her so concerned?

"We're just sort of... friends." Casey wasn't even sure why she had to justify her spending time with Kevin. It wasn't really the doctors business, was it?

"I know you are probably wondering why it is that I ask this." Dr. Fletcher smiled at Casey as she nodded a few times. "It's just that... Kevin is an extremely... unique individual." It was like she was struggling to find the right words into just what Kevin was. "Like you, he... went through a very tough life during his childhood."

"Why is he seeing you, exactly?" Casey couldn't resist asking. Kevin had been evasive during the time they had spent together, he hadn't specifically talked about it or had given her a reason why. Not that she could blame him, of course. She hardly liked speaking about her problems herself. She was just curious.

"That's the thing." The Doctor sighed loudly while clasping her hands together tightly in her lap, bending forward in the chair a fraction, "Unfortunately I'm bound by the laws of patient confidentiality. I can't say much."

"Oh, I get it."

"I just want you to throw... caution to the wind, I suppose," the Doctor added after a pause, a significant amount of gentle warning in her tone. "Just to be... careful, if I may."

Careful of what? Careful of Kevin?

"Why? Is... is Kevin dangerous or something?"

All the doctor could do was shrug and smile ruefully at her. _Right, patient confidentiality and all that._ But why warn her against having a friendship with someone like Kevin? What was so wrong with them that she would feel the need to warn her to throw caution to the wind?

Casey didn't get the chance to try wheedle more information about Kevin out of the Doctor because, before she knew it, she was steering the conversation back onto Casey instead.

...

At the end of their session, Dr. Fletcher showed Casey out.

"So I've booked another session for the same time next week," she explained to her with a smile, holding the door open to her. "But remember, as I said, if anything comes up, do e-mail me if the need strikes you. I'm always here for my patients if they need to vent."

"Great," Casey whispered, pushing the strap of her bag around her shoulder, "Thanks, Dr. Fletcher."

"You are very welcome, Casey. Take care now."

She turned as Dr. Fletcher shut the door to her room gently, Casey's eyes scanning the waiting room eagerly for any sign of Kevin. Her stomach sank. To her dismay, he wasn't waiting around for her after her session had finished. He must have left the instance Dr. Fletcher called her in and said goodbye to him.

She found her overwhelming sense of sadness at the idea of not spending more time with him pitiful. She didn't know the guy all that much, realistically, even though she... kind of wanted to. Dr. Fletcher's warning only seemed to heighten Casey's curiosity about the man, rather than turn her away in the other direction.

She ambled down the winding staircase, her eyes cast downward on her sneakers. Just as she reached the last step, someone suddenly popped out in front of her and it was too late to stop herself. She collided with the person, emitting a loud "Shit" as the other person apologized profusely while waving their hands around frantically.

It was only when Casey lifted her gaze, that she realized who it was. Kevin, thank God. He was still there and he hadn't left after all. Her heart surged painfully. It was embarrassing, how just the man's presence alone emitted such a positive response from her.

"Hey! Like I said, I'm so, so sorry," Kevin muttered, his expression genuinely contrite as she took in the beanie he was wearing, the grey sleeveless gloves. "God, look at me? I'm actin' like one of those weirdos that hangs around by the stairs!"

He laughed self-deprecatingly as he helped right her and catch her balance, and Casey smiled nervously.

She caught a little difference to the way he pronounced certain things, a little accent, but with Kevin the past two times she'd been around him, it had been hard to tell. Something about him seemed different, though.

"Anyway, uh, I was wondering if you'd like to go get another coffee with me?" She noticed him fiddle with his beanie as if nervous, plucking it down over his ears. "Or hell, if you're hungry, we could even catch a bite if you want to?" He seemed to eye her face before he held a hand out to her, adding after biting down on his bottom lip hastily, "No pressure, of course, it's totally cool either way."

Casey wasn't sure whether he'd ever want to ask her out for coffee again, considering how weird it had been last time. But everything was forgiven between them now, and she didn't hold his aloof reaction at the zoo where he worked against him. "Sure, I'd love to," she replied quietly, a little breathless when he gave her that large enigmatic smile of his in response to her confirmation. "I've got nothing else to do and plus, I am feeling a little hungry."

"Lunch it is then," Kevin agreed happily, and Casey felt her heart stutter in surprise at what he did next. Surprising her, he winded his arm through hers, tugging her towards the exit of the building. Now their shoulders and arms kept brushing together as he led the way eagerly.

She never thought she'd be comfortable ever being close to somebody before, yet...something about Kevin always made her feel so comfortable, she realized. They'd even kissed- another thing she never dreamed she'd be comfortable experiencing with a man of the opposite sex.

"My shout, no exceptions," Kevin continued as he held the door open for her, his arm still linked around hers. "I'm totally buyin' you lunch. Lunch and a drink, the whole works."

There definitely was something different with his mood. He was acting more cheerful, more almost lively than the Kevin she was speaking to in the waiting room, the Kevin that had been so stressed at the idea of seriously hurting her and had felt so bad that she were upset with him.

When they trod down the steps together, arms still linked, he turned and looked at her, that too-big grin still on his face for her. Casey had to admit, weirdly enough, that his joy was infectious.

"You had a good session with the great Doctor Fletcher then?" he asked her, making harmless conversation, she thought, as he led the way, steering her through pedestrians down the street.

"Yeah, I-I did. She's really helping me already, I think."

"Told you, right?" His eyes shone as he nodded at her, as if pleased with him. "She's good. Definitely one of the best."

Casey couldn't shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong; something was... different. There was something different about this Kevin, something striking. But how could that be?

"OK," Kevin was saying, steering her into the direction of a place she hadn't been to down on the corner of the street. He reached past her, struggling to hold the door open for her. It took Casey a belated second to realize he was clutching what looked like a black sketchbook in his other hand. She hadn't realized he was holding anything else before. "So, let's totally go in here. I came here last week and they make real good coffee and food." He nudged her playfully with his shoulder as they stepped inside, the diner deserted except for two other people sitting at a table. "You'll enjoy it, trust me."

Trusting Kevin, Casey realized, wasn't an issue. He felt an easy person to trust.

"And please, like I said, my shout. I'm buyin'."

"Uh, I do actually have my own money to buy my own lunch," she muttered, uncomfortable at the idea of him paying for her. "I do appreciate the offer though."

"What?" He paused from guiding her towards a table, their arms still linked together, to peer down at her. "Like I'm actually gonna let you pay for yourself when I asked you out here." He seemed offended, but Casey couldn't tell if he was faking it or not. "You think I'm gonna let you emasculate me? I mean, come on, honey?" He laughed shortly a second later, making Casey realize he was just fooling around, and it made her smile in response.

"Fine, then. If you insist."

"Well, I totally do insist." He weaved his arm out from hers, pushing a chair open at one of the empty tables near the window for her. Casey sank down slowly into her chair, eyeing him nervously while he grabbed the diners menu and plopped it down in front of her.

She settled on a coffee and a burrito, while he did the same. It was only when he went to make their orders that Casey had realized what he had just called her. 'Honey'. Kevin definitely hadn't called her that before.

When he returned back to the table, still clutching his sketchbook in one hand, he smiled at her as he pulled out his own chair and sat next to her. His mannerisms, there was something completely different to them, Casey was sure she wasn't being paranoid. Just like at the zoo, how he'd acted differently then, with the glasses and the rough tone of voice.

Then, as if to break the ice between them, Kevin laid his sketchbook on the table. He flipped it open while Casey leaned over curiously. That's when she saw they were drawings. Drawings of dresses with ruffles and blouses with printed details. The last few pages, she noticed, were drawings of a girl with dark long hair, her eyes full of emotion, a dark brown.

"Did you do these yourself?" Casey asked, her voice embarrassingly high. If he had, the drawings were amazing, almost lifelike in detail. Kevin hadn't told her he was interested in art and drawing.

"Sure did," he admitted, and she heard the pride in his voice. "These last few ones though, I did just last night... I was especially inspired. Guess who the muse was?"

Casey's eyes flitted to him curiously at the tone in his voice, realizing he was staring at her expectantly, his mouth frozen in a big smile. They were sitting closer than she realized- not that she minded, honestly. She'd somehow forgotten how incredible the color of his eyes were.

When the meaning of his tone sank in, Casey's eyes were drawn to the pictures again of the young woman with long, luscious dark hair, the expressive eyes. He couldn't have meant her, could he?

"Um, are you- are those meant to be me?" she whispered doubtfully, feeling her cheeks color. Why on earth would he want to draw her?

"They are, although... they aren't all that good," he admitted, and Casey heard a tinge of doubt, a hint of insecurity, in his own voice. Like he wasn't sure what he thought of them himself. "Couldn't get the beautiful shimmering hair right, no matter how hard I tried." At this, he leaned over and Casey felt his hand touch and his fingers weave carefully through the end strands of her hair, stroking it. She felt her heartbeat quicken and her face flush again at the unexpected contact. "I tried different strokes... like a weaving or waves, but it didn't come out in likeness like I'd hoped it would."

"These are really incredible," Casey whispered, touched, as she reached over, turning the page with care to one of the other drawings that was apparently her. No one had ever done something like that for her before. "You're really talented."

"Pfft." He made the dismissive noise through his mouth humorously.

Enraged, Casey turned in her seat to peer at him, eyeing him incredulously with her dark eyes. "But you are," she insisted strongly. It was obvious Kevin could not take a compliment when he shrugged and made a face at her. "I'm serious. These are amazing, Kevin. So life-like. I had no idea that you were interested in drawing. I mean, you never told me, but I suppose it didn't come up in conversation."

Something flickered across his face at something she had said.

"No, no, no, I'm sorry, I, uh..." He shifted in his chair uncomfortably as Casey stared at him in confusion, "I thought you knew?"

"Knew?" she repeated slowly, confused. "Knew what, Kevin?" Until she realized what he must have meant. Oh, he thought somehow she knew that he had a talent for-

"No, no, no, I'm not Kevin." He gestured to himself with his hands hastily, the building agitation from him suddenly clear to her as he stared at her, "I'm Barry, honey."

"B-Barry?" Casey shook her head, not understanding. Barry? What the hell did he-

"I mean, yeah, I-I was Kevin for a while there, back at Dr. Fletcher's office with you, but then, you know, Kevin was feeling really nervous and overwhelmed so he allowed me to have the Light for a little while to guide him through it, you know."

Casey stared back at him, lost. None of what he was telling her made any sense. He may as well have not been speaking in English for what little sense it made to her. What did he mean that he was Barry, not Kevin? And something about allowing him to have the Light? What?

"You see, Kevin really likes you. And I like you too." He reached over, touching the back of her hand suddenly, stroking her knuckles with his long calloused fingers gently, like he assumed he was reassuring her. "He gets a little nervous, you know? There's somethin' about you, he's too sensitive, he can't handle it sometimes." He rolled his blue eyes and gave her a look that said typical-Kevin as he shook his head at her. "The others too, we all like you. Except for Trisha and Dennis, of course, but that's just them, don't worry." He rambled on as he gave her hand a squeeze. "They both got sticks up their asses, they don't like nobody."

His constant chattering, it wasn't helping Casey to hear anything that made sense.

She shook her head slowly a few times, opening and closing her mouth. She would think of one question, then she'd change her mind, about to ask another. Then she'd get all confused again.

"Oh, gee, oh no," Kevin suddenly burst out, his voice a smoky, low panicked whine. Casey saw his blue eyes were wide, shining with sudden apprehension. Without warning, he brought up his hand, imitating swiping his beanie-covered forehead of sweat. "You didn't know about us, did you?" His voice was low, unsettled. "You didn't know about all of us? K-Kevin hasn't told you yet?" He held a few fingers to his mouth, as if embarrassed, urging himself to stop rambling on.

Casey was appreciative of his silence. It enabled her to process just what he was attempting to say.

"I... I don't think I understand?" she muttered slowly after a second uncertainly, sounding just as confused and lifeless as she felt on the inside.

"You see, Kevin, he likes you so much, he was afraid to tell you, honey. And admittedly, I was a little afraid too. We all-" He stopped abruptly.

Suddenly, a waiter appeared with their drinks and meals. They sat in silence for a few moments until the waiter was out of earshot. Casey glanced down at her hot burrito, realizing her appetite was non-existent.

Kevin- or well, Barry- sighed loudly through his nostrils, rubbing his forehead with his fingers through the fabric of the beanie, frustrated. "You see, what we have here is, uh, DID, honey."

"DID?" Why did it sound like a STD to her?

"Yeah, like... Dissociative Identity Disorder." He glanced at her fleetingly out of the corner of his eye, as if frightened and checking for any sudden unfavorable reaction. When nothing came, he seemed more confident to continue, "What happens is, we all share the Light from time to time, that's all. Like... there's, uh, me, and Trisha and Hedwig and Dennis. All of us."

"You mean, like... different personalities?"

"Yeah, totally like that." His eyes brightened with eagerness, as if pleased she were slowly getting it. "Kevin was just a little embarrassed to tell you, honey. And when we share the Light, sometimes it's like there's this blank space there, like you can't really remember sometimes. I thought maybe Kevin told you already, but... apparently not."

"I think I need a bit of silence for a while," Casey muttered.

"Yeah, of course. I get that, that's cool. We'll just... sit here, OK, honey?"

To her relief, he honored her request and fell silent while Casey attempted to get her head working straight. Just her luck, the one guy she finally feels comfortable to be closest to, and he's living this huge burden. In some ways, it made sense and explained a lot of things, however. Like his reaction at the zoo and how he seemed as if he were someone completely different. She'd almost gotten the impress he were different people, that... he was one person and then someone completely different the next. Now she knew why.

"So... at the zoo-?"

"-Yeah, that was Dennis," Barry Not Kevin explained, grimacing a little. "I think he's jealous, you know? Like he wants all the action on himself, he's just jealous. It'll all work out, though, give it some time."

"And you're... Barry?"

Rather flamboyantly, he patted his shirt with a smile, "I'm Barry, you're totally right. See, I knew you'd get there."

"H-how many are there of you in...inside of Kevin?" She wasn't entirely sure the correct way to ask it, but she had to know.

He winced and she caught him deliberately avoiding her eyes as he glanced down into his coffee mug. "Well, there's uh, quite a few of us, like I said. There's me, Patricia, Dennis-"

"But how many in total?"

"Twenty three," he answered truthfully, making a face. "Twenty-three of us, yeah." He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

Twenty-three?

Kevin's- or perhaps it was Barry's all along- words came back to her when she had asked why he was seeing Dr. Fletcher.

'I got issues. Twenty-three of them.' Now it all made sense. It was a shocking light-bulb moment for her. She didn't know how to react or how to even feel. How was it even possible? How did he-

"I know it's a real lot to take in, honey. And I know Kevin probably should have told you a little sooner, like... when we'd first met, but he's just nervous. You're literally the first girl-"

She made a sudden choice, her stomach rumbling nastily. "Barry, I don't know about you but I'm starving. Can we eat our burritos and drink our coffees before they get too cold?"

She looked around at Barry Not Kevin quickly as he stared at her, his mouth hanging halfway open, eyes comically wide as though he was in shock or as if he wasn't entirely sure he could believe what she'd just said. "So, what? You... you, uh..." He hesitated, eyeing her thoughtfully, "You're not gonna get up and run away and hide from us right now?"

She saw the hopeful, earnest look in his eyes and it was then that she sort of understood. Did people often run away and hide, deeming him a freak due to his DID? Did people always respond negatively? Casey didn't want to be that person. He didn't deserve that and, she thought she knew, more than anyone, how lonely and miserable it could be, living a life alone secluded and alienated from others.

"I'm not going to run away and hide right now," she promised, and she felt she meant it. Suddenly, the mood between them felt too serious, too tense, so she brought her eyes down to his own burrito on the plate next to hers meaningfully. "But what I will do is completely devour your burrito too if you don't start eating with me."

As she picked up her mildly warm burrito in both hands carefully, she caught out of her eye him still sitting there, staring at her, as if still completely disbelieving of how well she had taken the news. And then, Barry Not Kevin chuckled hoarsely, and finally moved into action, picking up the burrito of his own, mirroring her movements.

 _ **So... now she knows argh. Would love to know your thoughts. Hope it's still OK and that the characters are still somewhat true to the movie? It's so hard to write them lol. Thank you all so much for being so lovely!**_


	4. Chapter 4

He'd asked her to meet up with him the next night to see a movie together.

Casey hadn't been on a date with a guy before- if it even was a date to him. It felt like a date to her. At first, she had felt hesitant to agree- not due to anything he had just told her, about his condition of DID- but the fact that it would mean stepping out of her comfort zone. She was used to keeping her distance from other people. But there was something about him that she couldn't resist saying yes to.

She was uncertain on what to wear that evening, but she settled for comfort instead. She wore her hair out and straightened, with a long-sleeved black dress with two pairs of tank tops beneath it to keep her warm and tights to hide her legs and arms from showing.

If anything, what was beneath her clothes- her skin and scars, something she hadn't bared to anyone- was what terrified her the most. The thought of his reaction to it. If they did eventually get close enough- which Casey sort of surprisingly found herself wishing they would- she hoped he wouldn't be put off, that he wouldn't be disgusted.

She couldn't even bear to look at herself in the mirror some mornings, so she could only just imagine what his reaction might be.

But she hoped, with being so curious and understanding to his condition of DID, it would mean that he would be understanding to what she had went through as well, once the time came. If she were so understanding and sympathetic, she could only hope he would extend the courtesy towards her when the time eventually- and hopefully- came.

After she hugged her much younger foster sisters goodbye, she grabbed her bag to head off towards their meeting place for the evening.

She had really only been interested in a guy once before, and that was in high school. They'd flirted a little, and she could tell he was sort of interested in her in the way that she was interested in him. She was fine with the hand-holding and the hugging, it was just the... other stuff that daunted her. She had dated the guy for over four months, and soon, he'd naturally wanted to go further than just hugs and hand-holdings.

When the time came, they had ended up making out in the back seat of his car. He'd tried to sneak his hand under the third layer of her shirt, to feel some skin. But... she just couldn't. She'd ended up cringing away from his touch, and he'd taken it badly, assuming she were a tease and that she wasn't as interested as Casey had said she was. They'd broken up after that night in his car, and she'd had to endure the unpleasant rumors he had spread around his group of friends that she were frigid, a prude bitch that wouldn't put out even after four months of dating.

That was the last time she had ever gotten close enough with a guy, and considering how traumatic the experience had been on her, she had given up ever since that one time. Casey had decided that she were not ready, that maybe she would never be fully ready to let someone closely in. It was too difficult, the vulnerability, the thought of emotional and sexual intimacy after what she had endured as a child.

Things were different now, though, and it frightened her a little.

She'd actually found a guy she had liked enough, even if he was a little... complicated. And seemingly as damaged- if not more- than she was.

She just hoped he would understand in the end and be patient with her. She hoped she weren't being naive in assuming, because he was also a lot older than her, that he would be so much more different and respectful than the normal guys her age.

That evening, it was a little frosty out but thankfully, due to the layers of clothes she wore, Casey didn't feel it as much as she could have. Her breaths still came out foggy as she walked towards their agreed meeting place; there were little jittery butterflies fluttering around in the pit of her stomach at the idea of spending time with him again, whether he was Kevin himself or Barry.

She got her answer on who it was waiting for her once she crossed the street towards their meeting place. Already, he was there, waiting for her early, dressed in his long swishing overcoat, his finger-less gloves and the grey beanie. Barry. In a short amount of time, she had learned that Barry liked wearing his beanie and the finger-less gloves. That was her quickly learned method of differentiating who he was so far, while Dennis was the one who wore the glasses.

"Look at me!" He called with a laugh when Casey came into view, her hands clutched in front of her stomach nervously. His breaths were coming out foggy as well from the chill in the air. "I'm here early, I've been waiting over half an hour for you while freezing my ass off." He rubbed his finger-less gloves together, to get some warmth into his fingers as he eyed her with that too-big infectious smile he always seemed to have for her. He chuckled a self-depreciating laugh as she finally reached him and stood in front of him. "I don't know, honey. Desperate much?"

The fact that he were waiting for her so long to arrive and that it showed his eagerness to spend time with her, it made Casey's face glow with a relieved heat as she smiled shyly up at him.

"Hey Barry," she murmured quietly, and she got a pleasant surprise when he bent down to press a kiss to both sides of her cheeks. His lips felt cold from the low temperature in the Philadelphia air, and she gasped. "God, you weren't lying about waiting for so long for me out here then. Your lips are freezing!"

"I know, right?" He shoved his hands deeply into his overcoat pockets with another chuckle that sounded endearingly nervous to Casey's ears. "And well done," he added, sounding very pleased with her. "Already, you are a fast learner." She wasn't sure what he was speaking about, until he added hastily by way of explanation, "Kevin got real nervous about the whole thing and felt like he was gonna throw up so, as usual... you are stuck with me tonight. That OK?"

She didn't know why he felt it necessary to ask her.

"That's perfectly fine by me," she assured him, rubbing her own hands and fingers together to create some warmth from the cold. She couldn't deny that she liked Barry a lot.

His laughter and smile was infectious, and he had a way about him that made it fun for her to be around him. The previous times, she still was not sure whether it was actually Kevin she had been interacting with or Barry. Sometimes they felt the same in some ways, so she was still learning how to tell. The whole entire DID thing was still a confusing mystery to her.

"So," he started meaningfully, bringing a hand out of his pocket, stepping closer towards her uncertainly, "You ready to get out of this dreadful cold and head into the warmth of the movies?"

"Definitely," she muttered without a beat. It was too cold to be standing around outside talking.

Barry Not Kevin seemed to hesitate for a moment, as if unsure whether she wanted to do it or not, before he decided to take the chance and do it anyway.

He moved closer to slip his arm around her shoulders, holding her into his side while leading the way as they walked together. Casey felt herself basking at the contact of his arm around her and she leaned into his touch, still shivering a little although his body temperature helped heat her up nicely quite a bit. She also thought she smelled cologne on him, something she hadn't noticed before. Barry wore cologne and it was a pleasant, musky scent.

Barry clearing his throat somewhat awkwardly tore her out of her thoughts and Casey chanced a quick glance up at his face, finding him staring right down at her as they walked, that smile still there frozen in place. "I don't mean to be rude or nothin', but... you are looking real good tonight. Love the cute black dress." His blue eyes roamed down what she was wearing appreciatively while she felt the hand that was attached to the arm draped around her shoulders pluck at the top of her dress a few times, feeling the texture of the fabric curiously. "What is that? Cotton?" he guessed, and Casey felt those butterflies erupt in her chest again.

"I have no idea," she admitted breathlessly, feeling a little inadequate that she really didn't have any idea. "I hardly ever really take any notice."

He definitely had effeminate ways about him, she noticed. He was obviously interested in fashion and fabrics, as well as drawing.

"Hmm-mm." She felt him pluck and pick at the sleeve of her dress again, then his fingers were touching the end strands of her long hair, weaving it around his fingers gently. "You know what I was tellin' Kevin and the others last night?" It was going to take a while, getting used to hearing about the other personalities inside of him and him speaking in third-person, but Casey was confident she could do it.

"Um, no." How could she? "What?"

"I was thinkin' that we are incredibly lucky bastards, all of us." The way he looked directly into her eyes as he said it, with such warmth, it took her breath away.

"I'm pretty sure it's the other way around, and that I'm the lucky one," she muttered beneath her breath, not used to getting compliments.

"Pfft." He batted her compliment away with a playful half-serious roll of his eyes."You say that now, but you just wait..." She felt him shrug a little around her shoulders, then he said, more seriously, "You know, we've never done nothing like this before. We've never had the chance to. It's been... great."

It felt great for her too.

"We're all so used to being alone, keeping to ourselves. This is great for us."

Casey felt she could understand, even if his side of things were a little bit more different compared to hers were. "Well, me too." She decided to be honest, even if it felt terribly uncomfortable for her to have to admit it, but it was only fair she share as well. "I'm not really used to spending time with people, or... having friends. So this is different for me as well."

"Yeah, right." He made another dismissive noise and when Casey shyly glanced up at him again, she saw he was staring at her as if in disbelief. "What? For real?"

"For real," she confessed, a little hoarsely. "I'm used to keeping to myself." She wasn't sure why he found that so difficult to believe.

"Then maybe we aren't so different after all? Hard as it is to believe..."

"Yeah, maybe not."

A moment of silence passed them, while they walked together. Then Barry twisted slightly to face her more, "So you live with your family? Your, uh, your parents?" It felt as though he was keen to take advantage of all the time they had together in order to get to know her better. Casey was happy to get to know him better too.

"I live with my foster family, but... I'm moving out pretty soon. Well, I have plans to eventually."

"So, what? What happened to your real family?" Casey wasn't used to someone being so blunt, asking personal questions about her life. But she figured that was just him as a person.

"My, um, my father died of a heart attack when I was young." It felt funny, speaking to him about something she'd held in for so long. But in a sense, it felt good to speak about it. It felt cathartic. And Barry, he was so warm, so non-judgmental.

"That sucks, sorry to hear that." He sounded genuinely sorry for her. "We're really in the same boat." He made a face, as if embarrassed for the 'we' statement slipping out. "I mean, uh, Kevin is. Dad died in a train crash when young, too."

"And so what about your mom?" She wasn't sure how to ask, or if she was meant to say 'Kevin's mom'. Barry didn't seem too fussed about her getting it right anyway.

She felt him tense a little as he brought up his hand, which he used his fingers to stroke around his chin thoughtfully. She could see he was having difficulty trying to figure out the right words to explain. "Kevin's mother, she was, uh... not a very good person, I guess you could say." She could see he was not particularly comfortable about speaking of the mother, so Casey deliberately turned it back onto herself.

"Well, I never knew my mother. She died when I was young."

"Hmm. So what happened after dad died?" It was the question she had been dreading him asking. She didn't really want to get too far into it with him, especially not just yet. "You went straight into foster care... or?" He trailed off curiously.

"Actually, my...my uncle gained guardianship of me." Her voice went hollow. She wondered if he could feel her discomfort in the subject now. Surely he had to have.

She could see that Barry noticed barely a few seconds later, because he abruptly snatched one of her hands without warning. "I'm giving you a hard time talkin' about this, I get it, I'm sorry," he muttered hastily, and Casey felt her stomach burst with an odd feeling when he actually dragged her hand up to his mouth. He kissed it once, the back of her hand and knuckles in apology, his lips still icy from the chilly air. "We don't have to talk about it, I can see it brings up some things for you." She had never felt more grateful than she had then when he shrugged and pushed the subject away. "It's the same with Kevin's mother. We, uh, we don't like talking about that either, it brings up a few things for us. But all I'll just say on the matter is-" He held up his hand after letting the one of hers that he had kissed go quickly- "she was a major bitch with a capital B, done and dusted. Now that's all I'm sayin'."

The way he was speaking about her, Casey couldn't help but gain the impression that perhaps Kevin hadn't had a very good childhood either. It sounded as if his mother had hurt him and, by extension, perhaps Barry and the others as well.

"Sorry to hear that," Casey muttered, unsure of what else to say.

"It's fine, it's done now." He chuckled suddenly, and Casey glanced up at him as he playfully nudged her shoulder. "Sheesh, what's with all this depressing talk? I mean, really?"

"I know what you mean," she mumbled.

"What about I change subject to somethin' else?"

"Yes, please," she whispered gratefully. She didn't exactly want to continue talking about morbid things as well. Luckily Barry didn't either, because everything became more lighthearted after that. Well, _somewhat_ lighthearted.

"You're at it again with all those layers," he observed, eyeing her outfit again in a way that made Casey flush.

"Yeah, I... I like my layers."

"Haven't you heard the saying? If you've got it, flaunt it? I mean, I don't mean to be rude or perverted or anything like that, honey, but... I bet you have some amazing legs and arms beneath all those clothes and tights?"

If only he knew what was truly beneath. Casey was certain he wouldn't know what to think about it once he finally saw what was there.

She knew he'd take one look at her without clothes on and then that would probably be it. She felt nauseous even simply imagining it.

To her ultimate relief, they finally reached the movies and the conversation was dropped once they entered the warm building. Even as they both acknowledged awkwardly to each other how much warmer it was inside compared to outside, Barry still didn't feel the need to remove his arm from around Casey's shoulders and she admittedly loved the fact that he hadn't.

She actually loved it, the feeling of him holding her close. Even as they waited in line, he was playing with her hair again while he held her to his side.

Usually she would feel disturbed, being so close to a man. Their faces were inches away from each other, only because of how taller he was compared to her, but it was actually enjoyable, she found, having his arm wrapped around her shoulders; something she never dreamed she would feel before. It was so different with him; She didn't mind so much if he touched her hair or her hand, or even if he kissed her like they had that first night after meeting.

She didn't think it were possible for her to even feel comfortable being in close proximity to someone, but he just felt so safe and warm. Even after having confessed to her that he had DID, it never changed her outlook on him. He still felt wonderfully safe and warm, weirdly enough. His confession only just served to spur on Casey's curiosity and it only just wanted her to dig deeper to get to know the real him, whichever part of him that was.

They purchased their tickets, settling on some movie Casey hadn't heard of before. She wasn't all that up to keeping date with the current trends and movies. But Barry was the same, apparently having other interests that kept him preoccupied.

They got into the dark cinema room and his arm never left her shoulder, even as they found a place to sit in the middle row. He even pushed up the armrest so that they could sit close together, so that they could hear each other while whispering as the lights went down and the screen turned on with advertisements.

She loved the little thrill that shot through her every time Barry leaned over to whisper something in her ear, his mouth close. She could even smell his cologne every time he did so.

As the movie started, she couldn't deny that she wasn't particularly interested in the events that were happening on screen.

All Casey could seem to be aware of, was him sitting right next to her, his arm still draped around her shoulder heavily and comfortably. Their shoulders were resting together, they were literally squished up into each other's sides in their seats; his legs crossed as he tapped his combat boots against the leg of the seat directly in front of them repetitively, Casey's legs crossed as well.

She'd never felt so attuned to a man's physical presence before. It was scary; She was no doubt acting like a silly school girl with an immature crush.

As the movie started heating up, where the two main characters acknowledged their feelings for one another, Casey quickly chanced a glance over at Kevin- well, no Barry- from his place beside her. His eyes were glued to the screen, shining with the images reflected in them. She looked down and noticed his finger-less-glove clad hand resting on his knee, his fingers tapping along in some sort of agitated dance.

Casey wondered what would happen if she were brave enough to actually reach over and hold his hand. Not that she probably would ever do it. _Would he hold her hand back? Push hers away?_

She'd never wanted to hold a man's hand so badly before, even despite the fact that he already had his arm around her.

He'd said that he had liked her, Barry had. And well, Kevin too. And the others, aside from Dennis- the one she'd met at the zoo- and someone named Patricia. Would he like her enough to not mind if she reached over and held his hand?

"Oh, good god, here we go, honey." His voice broke her out of her desperately torn feelings, and she lifted her gaze to find he was now looking in her direction, his blue eyes shining back at her as he shook his head disdainfully at whatever was happening on the screen. When he leaned over towards her and put his mouth directly near her earlobe, Casey prayed desperately that she looked- and was acting- normal and not like some silly girl desperate for him. "Here we go," he whispered in her ear, the sound of his voice, slightly higher-pitched and the warmth of his breath causing her to shudder a little, "It's happening right now, honey. It's all going on."

She turned her eyes to the screen to notice the two characters were finally kissing each other steamily, while their hands were frantic, searching for buttons and zippers in order to remove their clothes. Her cheeks burned.

"Did you see the way he just went straight for it and shoved his tongue in her mouth?"

Maybe it was the fact that his mouth was near her ear while he whispered to her a humorous and scandalous commentary on the scene, but she didn't chicken out a second later. Blindly, she reached over and down with her hand, laying it on top of his that was still resting on his knee.

"That shirt he is wearing is so last season and clearly three sizes too small and yet, she..." His commentary halted a little, as if it took Barry a moment to believe what she'd just done. She felt a gradual fleeting sense of embarrassment, before she felt him turn his hand around. The act of his fingers intertwining through hers, it made her feel lighter and relieved beyond belief that he hadn't just shoved her away. And then he started again, sounding a little more noticeably confident and happier,"...she doesn't even care? I mean, come on, really?"

Casey pressed her lips together and tried not to look so pleased when their hands remained interlocked throughout the rest of the movie.

"Talk about unrealistic!"

...

Barry was still talking passionately to her about what he believed were the unrealistic points of the movie they had just watched when they walked outside together.

They were still holding hands and, now that they were back outside on the street and the Philadelphia evening air brushed over her, Casey realized again just how freezing she was.

She didn't really think much of what she was doing when she brought her arm around his back and huddled close into his side so that she could steal some of his body heat and warmth. Barry didn't seem as cold as she was, possibly because he had his beanie on and gloves to keep warm, but he didn't seem to mind it when Casey shoved the side of her face up against his neck. She knew he felt how cold her face was when he shuddered the instance her cheek touched the warm base of his throat, and he brought up both hands, somehow grasping her hair and head in them as he practically hugged her back into him.

"Jesus, girl, your face is absolutely freezing," he murmured in shock, letting go of her head. He tightened his arms around her until he was practically Casey's human-furnace, and it took her a second to actually come to terms with what she was doing.

She definitely did feel as though she were overcoming some of her intimacy-emotional issues.

She didn't feel that nauseous or panicked feeling simply by Barry hugging her tightly with his arms around her, while one of her arms was outstretched around to his back. She didn't feel uncomfortable that the side of her face were pressed up against the column of his throat, that his skin felt so warm, that she could literally feel the sensation of his pulse flickering against her cheek.

She didn't even seem to care that people were exiting the movies around them, walking past them, seeing them in an embrace as they hugged each other and he allowed his skin to heat her face up. She didn't care about anyone else at all and about how they may have looked, doing it in the street where everyone could see them.

There was just him and her, and how wonderfully warm he felt, and how great his skin smelled from the cologne he was wearing.

"How long was that walk back home to your place, did you say?" Barry spoke after a while, his voice low, a little drugged out as if he were enjoying her closeness just as Casey surprisingly felt that she was. His voice seemed to make her vibrate around her cheek with the way she was holding her face to his throat.

"Um, about twenty minutes."

"Oh, god. Twenty?" He sounded outraged, his voice going higher. "It takes, uh, literally only just five minutes to get to my place from here. It's just across the street and down a couple of blocks."

Casey's mind was immediately alert as she realized just what it was that he was hinting at between the lines. His place was closer. _Was he inviting her back to see it with him?_

He must have somehow sensed the little freak out she was having, even although her face was concealed, because Barry said hurriedly under his breath, "No pressure. I just, uh, don't want you freezing into a chunk of ice out here, you know?"

She hesitated for a moment, her face still pressed against his throat. That anxiety suddenly came to her, the one she often felt at the idea of getting out of her comfort zone, at taking chances. _Could she really agree to go home with him? Was she really ready, even if... nothing at all happened?_

"There's no pressure for you to stay over. None of us are expecting that," Barry continued when she hadn't responded, "We completely get it, honey. These things take some time." She wasn't expecting it when he brought his hands up, and suddenly, he was clasping her head gently in them, stroking her hair, "Hell, whenever you wish to go, I'll call a cab immediately so that you can get a lift home safely, I swear."

"OK," Casey found herself muttering before she could second-guess herself. She truly did want to see where he lived- well, where they all lived, and how they lived- and, plus... she didn't exactly feel ready for their night to end just yet.

"You sure?"

Casey forcefully brought her face out from the warmth of his neck and throat to meet his gaze with her dark eyes determinedly. Barry's hands were still gently on either side of her head, caressing her hair carefully.

"I'm... I'm sure, Barry." When he seemed a little uncertain to believe her, Casey added while trying to sound playful, "After all, I don't exactly want to turn into a chunk of ice either. And it is really freezing out here." She forced out a laugh, relieved when it seemed to appease and convince him. "Take me to your house, I want to see it. Really."

...

She could tell Barry was overly anxious about showing her where and how they lived. He kept muttering about it every single second they walked together, hands still intertwined.

"It's not much, OK?" He said for what had to be the third time as she saw the sign that said 'Philadelphia Zoo' in the distance. "What happened was, because of the early hours we work, there was an arrangement where it might be easier if we lived down in the maintenance quarters. It's not even really like a home, like your... normal one anyhow, but we try our best to make it feel like home."

"Barry, it's fine. I really don't care whether it's normal or not. I'm just happy to see where you live." No matter how many times she tried to reassure him, it didn't seem to help.

"Well, it's totally clean, at least. I mean, Dennis makes sure of that." He rolled his eyes at her and made a humorous face. "You ever seen an Energizer bunny? Like one of those bunnies that operate at full speed?"

Casey had and she nodded silently.

"Well, picture that, but instead of a bunny, it's Dennis. That's Dennis at 3 AM in the morning with not even a single drop of caffeine in his system. The guys not normal, I swear to you...I mean, who the hell can get up at 3 AM in this crazy world without caffeine? Totally not normal..."

Casey couldn't help smiling faintly at his amusing description of Dennis at 3 AM, even if when she had met him, he was cold and aloof, possibly the most daunting person she'd met so far of Kevin's identities.

"The man is a pain in the ass, I swear to God..." Barry rambled on in frustration. "Him and Trisha, I swear they're mentally unstable, you know."

She didn't think she had met Patricia yet, but Barry wasn't really helping in easing her nerves about this one.

"And they keep going on, about this thing that's comin'. Like all the time."

"T-thing that's coming?" she repeated, an apprehensive edge to her voice. He sounded suddenly so foreboding, so concerned. She couldn't help but feel nervous.

"Like I said, honey, they're totally unstable. They've found this new thing, this... belief." Barry shook his head solemnly. "They think this other guys coming, this guy called The Beast."

 _The Beast? Yeah, that didn't sound very good at all..._

"But don't you worry, honey. You don't have to worry about a thing. It's just them two. The rest of us, we're completely normal, I swear." Despite how concerning what he was telling her of Dennis and Patricia and this thing coming was, Casey couldn't help but put her faith completely into Barry when he looked at her, so sincerely, so earnest. "Anything goes wrong, we're there for you. Which it won't. All I'm doin' is warning you at this point in time."

Once they finally reached where he lived, Casey couldn't really believe her eyes. He had his own keys to access beneath the zoo compound, and Barry was somewhat right; It wasn't like a home, but it had different pieces in it which made it obvious that they had tried to make it a home, no matter how cold and uninviting it felt.

"Wow," she gushed, after Barry had given her the tour. There was no carpet; It was all painted white, stone cold floors. There was a small kitchen area, with the basics, a kitchen table, chairs, refrigerator. And several rooms with different items in them that obviously belonged to each individual personality within Kevin. "When you told me that you lived near the zoo, I never thought you meant that you lived literally underneath it."

"I know, right?"

Barry paused from showing her down the narrow hallway that was lit with fluorescent lighting that connected to the ceiling, his hand still tightly clinging to hers as if afraid to let go in case she decided to run away and flee outside of where he lived. Which, admittedly, was rather tempting to her.

Only when she turned and met his gaze, she saw how anxious he looked, how he was staring at her carefully, worried over her reaction. Her not responding badly, it clearly meant a lot to him, and she could see that.

"Like I said, I know it's not much, but... we do our best." She saw the burning anxiety in his blue eyes as he gauged her reaction very carefully. "And we don't really have visitors either, you're probably the first one in years."

 _He didn't get many visitors to his home?_ It was so unbearably sad, Casey couldn't help feeling.

"Anyway, uh, this is sort of my room," he explained, carrying on awkwardly while leading her down into the first door they went to. "I share with a few of the others, Kevin and I do. We share with Dennis too, hence... the, uh, lingering smell of bleach and how clean and orderly everything is." Barry gave her a funny look with both eyebrows raised, as if illustrating himself how unbearably toxic and overpowering the smell of the bleach was.

Barry was right; The instance she stepped into the room, the harsh smell of cleaning product hit her nostrils. The room was very bare, consisting of only a neatly made single bed, a few carefully folded articles of clothing. A wardrobe and a small TV and DVD player that looked ancient in Casey's view. At least they could have a good time watching DVD's though.

As she inched closer to inspect the TV and the DVD player curiously, Barry made a deep humming noise behind her.

"Uh, yeah, we've been tryin' to convince Dennis to let us upgrade with the technology a little. We badly need a bigger TV, but does he care? No. Dennis likes to keep control of where the money goes, the stingy bastard." Casey glanced back at Barry curiously while licking her lips. He still looked anxious, like he were still waiting for the moment she flipped out and ran away. He reached up to rub the back of his neck while avoiding her eyes to inspect the small items in the room himself, "He only just finally agreed to allow Hedwig to buy a pet hamster under the condition that he ensure he's kept safe in his cage at all hours."

"The more I hear of Dennis, he sounds so... horrible," Casey couldn't help confessing, shuddering at the memory of that morning she had met him at the zoo. His eyes had been so cold, so dead.

"Yeah, I guess you can say that, for sure. I know he probably has good intentions for all of us, but letting the TV get so outdated it doesn't even work properly with the remote? Like, come on!"

"Hmm." Casey's eyes found the small single bed that was pushed up against the wall. Her eyes flew to his again uncertainly, "Do you, um, mind if I... sit?"

Barry seemed slightly confused for a moment, as if he didn't understand what she meant. But then his eyes followed hers to the small bed, and she saw the muscles of his throat twitch as he swallowed audibly. "You, uh, mean... sitting on the bed?" He sounded uncertain, but once she nodded, she saw his eyes widen marginally.

He looked so anxious at the thought of having her on the bed, she realized. _But why be anxious? She was only intending to sit on it, unless he actually thought she-_

Her cheeks grew warm at the thought as she turned away, slowly trudging towards the bed. Barry had no choice but to follow, she knew, as their hands were still locked together and she was towing him along with her towards it by their connected fingers.

When she turned and slowly sat down, she noticed Barry stand there for a moment, peering down at her, as if he almost couldn't believe that she were actually real, that she were actually beckoning him to sit next to her on the small single bed. She intertwined her fingers out from his finally, and moved, patting on the empty space beside her nervously while making herself comfortable in lying half on her side propped up on one elbow, her legs half off the bed, shoes dangling in the air.

When he finally did eventually sit down next to her, Casey saw him swallow again audibly.

"Um, everything OK?" she asked shyly when he simply stared at her. "You can lie down on your side too near me, if you want?" Abruptly it occurred to her how she was being and how it might have been interpreted by him.

She'd just wanted to sit down and rest her legs. She hadn't meant anything else by it, like that _she wanted them to-_

Casey's heart started beating savagely in her chest when she stared up at him from where he sat, next to her, staring down at her with serious yet somewhat apprehensive blue eyes. But then Barry twisted around a little on the bed, slid a hand up just inches from her shoulder to support himself so maybe he wouldn't lose his balance and fall on top of her, and then he bent down towards her. The springs on the mattress made a squeaking noise and Casey heard the pair of them breathing deeply as he brought his face down closer towards hers.

It wasn't exactly what Casey had in mind when she'd sat on the bed. Or was it?

It wasn't like they hadn't kissed before, like that time, although... she couldn't really remember if it actually was Kevin that did it or Barry himself. Then again, maybe who it was didn't exactly matter?

All she was aware of was a warm feeling developing all over her body as she stared up at his face, blinking slowly. Then her eyes dropped to his lips while she licked hers, and then... Barry's lips were pressing into hers tightly. She hadn't kissed anyone much obviously. And she wasn't entirely sure whether he had either, but their lips remained still, soft and warm against each others- as if they were tentatively testing each other out- before Casey thought she heard a light deep groan emerge from deep in his throat.

At the sound, her mouth opened and then Barry's top lip was sucking on her bottom lip, pulling on it gently, making her tingle inside. She lost her balance a little and let her elbow flop down while she laid back, straight on the bed with her head while Barry moved over her, their mouths still connected.

He was holding himself up with both arms beside her so he wasn't completely squishing her on the mattress, and then she felt him use one finger-less gloved hand, reaching down between her, caressing her leg and knee through her tights, and then... higher, the bottom of her dress riding up with his hands slow, dragging movement.

Everything was fine, and she found herself enjoying it. She enjoyed the way Barry kept sucking on her bottom lip, the way he tilted his head to the side, deepening their lips dances against each others. Casey almost felt dizzy, giddy. But then-

She felt the coarse wool of his glove against her bare navel beneath the dress and shirts she was wearing, then his fingers. He only just wanted to touch her breast through her bra obviously, or just caress a little skin while he kissed her, but no.

She made the panicked noise against his mouth before she could stop herself, tensing up.

 _No, she couldn't have him do that. He couldn't._

Casey tensed as she pushed her head back into the bed, separating their mouths while she reached down frantically between them, gritting her teeth.

"N-no, stop it," she moaned out through her teeth desperately, her eyes blurring with sudden tears.

She caught his wrist with shaky fingers and yanked and shoved his hand away before his exploring got to more, before he began to feel it.

"J-Just _don't_ , B-Barry!"

She wasn't ready for someone to see or feel them, especially not him. While she liked Barry- or, well, Kevin- she didn't feel comfortable with that.

She didn't need to even properly look, she saw it out of the corner of her wet eyes as Barry quickly sat up away from her, breathing in a low, heavy way that probably matched hers as she tried to control her tears.

She could see him there, even when she didn't properly look, just sitting there on the bed a good distance away from her, watching her in confusion while he held both hands up to his beanie, wondering what had just happened. If he was freaked out or had decided it was not worth it, that they may as well never see each other ever again, she couldn't have blamed him.

It was so embarrassing. She merely laid there, trying not to hyperventilate on the bed, her eyes obscured with tears as she panted shallowly while she gripped the end of her dress and pulled it down safely away past her skin. Why couldn't she be normal? Why have to do this now, with him?

"H-hey, b-baby girl, h-honey." Barry's gentle coaxing voice, the pet names for her, it almost pushed her well and truly over the edge. He was so sweet, so kind. And he sounded so horrified and scared, as if petrified he'd truly done something. "What... did I do something? Just... just tell me, and I'll, uh, I'll never do it again to upset you, OK?"

He sounded so guilty, as if he had any true reason to be. It wasn't him, yet he was so quick to believe it was. And that was so damn tragic to her, that he be so quick to blame himself for something that was all her fault. It was all her.

"Talk to me," he whispered desperately, and his voice sounded so hollow, so empty. "Talk to Barry, h-honey." She noticed his arm come into her vision tentatively, like he wanted to reach down and touch her, comfort her. But then he flinched back. "Tell me what's wrong, what I can do to make you better, hm?"

 _What could he do to make her better? Like it was even him!_

She would never be normal, she realized. She was a freak- just like everyone used to call her. She could never be normal, have a normal life or relationship with someone. Why had she ever thought she could? No matter how much she liked him, she could never...

"C-Casey, h-honey? Talk to me."

It wasn't that she felt disgusted at the idea of doing it with him, because she didn't. She liked the man, felt attracted to him, despite his condition. It was the fear that held her back, the idea of his own reaction and disgust to her body. That he'd find out she was broken, that he'd find out what her Uncle did to her and how ruined she was.

If he somehow felt then saw the hideous scars, it might make him think she was ugly, it might turn him off her completely.

Letting out a shaky breath, Casey pulled up her hands, covering them over her face in humiliation as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Ssh, baby girl." He started cooing to her as the bed dipped beside her while he sat next to, comforting her though still not touching her again and wary to, and it made her cry even more. "I know it's overwhelming, all of us and then you, but...but we'll get through this. You mean so much to us, to me, and Kevin."

This man, he was so lovely and damaged himself, with his condition. His life must have sucked, he must have gone through so much, and yet, he was there having to comfort her? What was worse was that he took the blame, he thought she was crying over how 'overwhelming' it was, these two lovely men Kevin and Barry and their alters.

 _She hated herself so much. Most of all, she hated how much she wanted him, wanted to be normal for him and yet... she couldn't get past it. Her past, her issues._

She couldn't stand it anymore.

Huffing deeply through her fingers, she forced herself to sit upright, wiping her tears hastily. "I'm sorry, Barry, but I... I've got to go."

"W-what? B-but-" He trailed off weakly as she stood, ignoring him. She wiped her face again as she stood, too embarrassed to even look his way. "But we can work through this, honey. Why don't you just sit down, you know, and we'll talk this through? We'll see if we can solve this?"

She heard plain as day the hurt in Barry's tone, the confusion. He so thought it was all about them.

"Please, Barry, I... I'm sorry. I'm so s-stupid!" Before Barry- or Kevin or perhaps even one of the others- could say another word to her, Casey shot off, running down the hallway, managing to retrace her steps to the front door.

It was so mortifying, and she hated herself. Hated herself for running out, for leaving Barry there wondering what he had done, making him take all the unwarranted blame but she couldn't help it.

 _Hope this one was OK? Poor Barry, poor Kevin, poor Casey. :( Well, I think it was obvious it wouldn't be easy lol. Thank you all so much for your reviews and alerts, it means so much. Hoping you are enjoying this still? :)_


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